Photo review

I have a hard time getting around to downloading pictures from my camera, so I rarely post pictures here. Here are a few from the last couple of months, mainly of Carter, since he's the cutest of the three of us!

Below is Carter and his "cousin" (I don't know how to explain how they're related, other than the other cutie is Addison, Devon's daughter). Devon and her family came to visit a few weeks ago, and Carter got to hang out with another little person. He loved it.

I went to visit my good friend from college, Noelani, and we went to the alligator park with her friend. It was so great to go to warm and sunny Florida in the middle of our snowy Colorado winter.

Carter is almost successfully potty-trained, but we're still working on #2. We often sit for awhile, and he enjoys a good book while he's waiting for things to move along.

Carter got his first opportunity to drive on a Colorado dirt road this winter, but he didn't quite connect the idea of looking at the road and turning the wheel. He sure did love it, though.

Carter has become quite the trooper in the snow and will go just about anywhere with us, as long as we have some chocolate. Below we are taking a break from sledding and skiing to have a little snack.

Here's our sled setup that Mark pulls behind him on skis. If you look closely at Carter's expression, we obviously have not kept the chocolate coming nearly fast enough.

Here's a video of our sledding trip. Not great footage, but it gives you an idea of our outdoor adventures in winter with a two-year-old.

One day Carter and I went to the National Western Stock Show, a big event in Colorado. John Deere had a tractor display, and Carter made sure to try out every one. He loved pretending to drive, and told everyone about the tractors when we got home.

That's all for now. I've had some requests for belly pics, but they just didn't make it on this download. I'll get some up eventually!

Wee hours

Have you ever heard the term, "wee hours of the night"? I had and never thought much about it. Now I am certain of the origin; it refers to the wee people that are up at that time. This past Friday night, Mark and I were tired after a long week of working and having some friends over for dinner that evening. We have all been recovering from some kind of cold/flu/cough thing that's been going around, so after finally getting Carter down for bed an hour past his bed time, we went to bed ourselves, looking forward to a good night's rest.

In my pregnant state, I predictably woke up and had to go to the bathroom at about 12:15 am. I returned to bed and waited for sleep to come. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans. Carter woke up 20 minutes later and claimed he had to go potty. This happened three more times over the next hour or so, and then he needed milk. Then he just plain couldn't sleep. Each time we heard his little voice at the door, Mark and I would sigh the sigh that only sleep-needing parents can do. We took turns turning him around and putting him back in bed. No one slept through the whole process.

Finally at 4:30, Mark and I were feeling out of solutions with no end in sight. Carter wasn't upset or crying, he just couldn't sleep, so Mark decided we may as well just get up. We all traipsed into the kitchen, and Mark made blueberry pancakes while Carter and I played trains. I wondered what our neighbors would think,if they looked out the window in the middle of the night and saw our little family's activities. As odd as we would have appeared, I bet it would be a happy sight to see the three of us merrily making the most of our circumstances.

We finally could see Carter was winding down at about 6am, so we went through the bedtime routine again, and then Mark and I crawled back into our now-cooled sheets. Much to our dismay, Carter woke up again for the day shortly before 8:00, but we knew there was no way we'd get him to go back to bed again. We accepted that we had a sleepless two-year-old and got up to proceed with our day.

We experienced the "wee hours of the night" in their full glory. It's the wee ones and their parents that are awake during those hours. I bet you could open a business based on that concept. I'm picturing breakfast foods, slides and swings for the little ones, and cots for the parents. Hours: 7 nights a week, 10pm to 6 am. I may be onto something . . .

Not just "waiting for the world to change"

Things are looking up. Since my last posting, my job prospects initially went from unsure to bad. One of the two funding sources my principal had appealed to for my salary replied with, “a big, fat no.” Monday was a rough day. Life was feeling more unsettled than ever, and I was not excited about the alternatives.

Monday night my principal went to her second and last hope for me and pled my case, telling the committee how much change I had brought about, and that it couldn’t be sustained and continued without someone in my position. Rather than deliberate and wait until the following month to vote as is the norm, they unanimously approved my position. My principal told me yesterday morning, and I walked on clouds the rest of the day. There is that one percent of me that wonders what path I would have taken if I had been forced to find a new job, and I do feel just a twinge of wanting to have to have a new adventure, but the rest of me is ecstatic. I feel like the world has stopped spinning, and I can begin to get my bearings again.

Today has been another good day. I took a half day off this morning to go hear Obama speak at Denver University. With RSVP ticket in hand, I stood in the 20 degree weather for two hours in a ridiculously long line. I did not get into the big arena in which he was speaking. Instead, I, along with literally thousands of others, was shuffled into the side gym to watch on the big screen.

I did not come all this way to watch TV with countless strangers. I sat for a little while, debating what to do, and then he walked in. I was less than 10 rows away. Literally a stone’s throw. He has such a presence, an “ambience” about him. It’s how I’m guessing most people feel about celebrities. I could never really relate to how people got so excited about famous people, but now I’m starting to get it. He started speaking and the crowd immediately fell silent to be able to catch his every word. He wasn’t there to officially give a speech to us, but he did a great job of making us all feel like that time in the cold and the day off work was worth it. I decided not to stay and watch his prepared speech on the big screen. I had gotten what I wanted.

After he left, I walked out of the packed auditorium into the silent sunshine outside and just had a moment to enjoy what I had been a part of. I’ve never been surrounded by so many like-minded people, all rooting for the same cause, and it was truly moving. I’ve never cared about anything too political, much less been a part of it, but I think I may be converting to at least a person who pays attention. It’s just so invigorating to feel like there’s a whole group of people out there whose views are at least similar to mine.

I’ll be participating in my first caucus on Super Duper Tuesday next week, and even if Obama doesn’t win, at least I’ll feel like I took a small step in the right direction to enact change. It’s the same reason I’m so excited about my job. I feel like I’m finally in a position to make some long term positive changes school-wide. I thrive on being a part of positive change.

Gaining Control

Mark came home Friday with the announcement that the science courses at the high school will be changing district-wide. Notably, the course he is responsible for teaching will be now offered in the middle school, and his course will be replaced by something resembling environmental science. Mark has never loved the school he's been at, but he's endured because he has really liked what he's taught. Now he doesn't have that holding him. Meanwhile, as I've mentioned before, my position is in peril due to funding, so my future looks very unclear now. I'm guaranteed a job, but not the one I have.

Considering we've already begun to get our house ready to put on the market, in some ways it seems like the stars are aligning for us to make a big change. We've always talked about moving to a small mountain town, but it's never been the right time. Is this finally it? The housing market certainly isn't in our favor, and I still don't know definitively about my position, and, oh yeah, we're having a baby in three months, so not everything is pointing us in one direction.

In times like these, I don't find myself totally stressed out, but I do feel a heightened sense of responsibility to be doing research and thinking about such big decisions. There are so many things out of my control, like whether we'll be able to sell our house, what my job will look like next year, and when the baby's coming (although we do know somewhere near May 7), that I tend to want to do whatever I can to feel like I have some sort of control over something.

Before we're anywhere near the process of looking for new jobs or narrowing the areas we'd be interested in moving to, I have begun researching teaching salaries and housing prices all over the state. I eagerly grasp at whatever I can that bears a slight resemblance to being able to control my future, even though it has no bearing on the actual outcome. Some people put off all the research fact-finding until things are definite and they have a clear direction they are heading. I do the opposite. Research in all directions so that whatever happens, I will hopefully have a little background knowledge. This trait has really been brought out in me the past few months.

Life feels very uncertain right now, but not in a scary way, not today. Ask me again when the baby's due in a week and I'm interviewing for jobs all over the state, and I might have a bit of a different attitude. But for now, I'm coping the best I know how and attempting to take things day by day. When Mark and I are in the right frame of mind, we're pretty good at looking at changes such as these as an opportunity. I do my best to hold onto that perspective.

Quirks

I have been tagged (apparently something that happens in the blogosphere) to share 6 quirky things about myself. Somehow such a daunting task. What falls in the quirky category, and what goes to the extreme of weird, odd, and unspeakable? I could easily write this list for other people, Mark for example. Tonight he flipped out, I'm even tempted to say "threw a fit", over tupperware. He hates it that much. But he may not put that behavior in the same category. He'd probably say he was perfectly sane in saying he refuses to acknowledge the existence of tupperware in our house.

Finding what's quirky about yourself means stepping outside of your own frame of mind and attempting to take on others' perspectives. About yourself. Easier said than done. Okay, enough procrastinating, Erin. C'mon. List 'em.

1. I have this newish haircut with official bangs that I didn't ask for, so now I get self-conscious whenever I leave the house without styling them a little. I'm sure no one else notices the difference, but I seem to think that if I'm a little done in the hair department, it's okay to go to the grocery store in my pajamas.

2. I hate when people say I don't look pregnant (or as far along as I am). It feels like they must think I always look this fat.

3. I try to save money in some unproductive and/or inefficient ways, even if it's not my money. For example, I wrote a grant to buy materials for the contents of binders for all the teachers in my school, but I used recycled binders rather than just ask for the money for new ones. Also, I go to a special place to get milk (no hormones) and get a card punched to work towards my free 1/2 gallon of milk. It takes fifty punches to earn $2 worth of milk. Is that really worth my time?

I'm getting stuck here and am tempted to go ask Mark for suggestions for my last three, but at the same time fear that what he will call quirks, I will try to justify as totally sane and rational. Hmmm.....

4. I spend way too much time thinking about what Carter eats. Mark will feed him whatever, while I think about how he's done so far today on the food pyramid. And yet, it's okay to give him a few too many homemade chocolate chip cookies--because they're homemade, and somehow that's healthier in my mind.

5. I make sure to put food out for Winston when we leave the house, even if we're going to be gone an hour, even though he often will go 24 hours without touching his food. I justify it by saying, what if something happens and we're gone a lot longer than we expected?

6. I generally like meetings at work, staff meetings, meetings with teachers, observation meetings. I think it's the conversation and the hope of learning something new. But not meetings with parents. I hate those.

Whew, that was harder than I thought. And just so you know, I did ask Mark for input after number four, and he focused on tupperware. Multiple items relating to tupperware. But it felt a bit like criticism, and not something that seemed to fall into the quirky category, so I didn't include his ideas. But his thoughts did support my previous argument that he's a little quirky about his passionate hatred of tupperware.

Although I'm not tagging anyone to publicly post about their quirks, if you get a chance, take a few minutes and see if you can list some of your own. Or even more risky, ask someone else to list them.

Ups and ups and downs

After having almost two and a half weeks off from work for the holidays, I have now been back to work for almost a full week. My break was great. In that much time I got so much of what I needed in so many ways. I had time with my family who came to town (though not long enough), which means Mark and I also got some alone time, out cross-country skiing on my new skis. We had some great family time with just the three of us, playing trains on the floor and sledding after the big storm. I also had a bit of time away from the family out with a friend, and some quality time with just Carter after Mark returned to work.

We also started potty training Carter and have had great success. There were many days at first where he just ran around with no pants, but relatively few carpet scrubbings occurred! Lately, he’s been averaging just one accident a day, pretty good considering I wasn’t even sure he was ready. He just may be trained by May when I’ll have another one in diapers.

I had a bit of trepidation about going back to work after such a restorative break. Getting truly dressed and having to go to meetings every day did not sound appealing to me. I went to work on Monday a bit overwhelmed and unmotivated. With a laundry list of things to get done by a deadline, I had to jump right in, and it was actually easier than I thought. As the rhythm slowly returned, I began enjoying what I was doing, and by Tuesday I was eager to return to work to continue my two major projects. This week I have really felt good at what I do and have realized what a feeling of accomplishment and self-respect my job gives me.

As much as I enjoyed my break, I also enjoy the mental stimulation my job gives me. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely days that are rough and parts of my job that are stressful and thankless, but overall it fills a need in me to use the intellectual side of my personality.

However, my enthusiasm for my job has been tempered by the recently discovered uncertainty of my position. My principal just told me that the person who gave her money to fund my job (one-of-a kind in our district) resigned and that no one currently has a way to officially fund my position next year. I’m guaranteed a job next year, but not this one, the one I love. My principal firmly supports what I do and is going to go to bat for me, but it is not a sure thing. It sounds like I’ll know more in February, hopefully. Meanwhile, I’ll just enjoy what I do and hope that the skills and experience I’ve gained with this job will open new doors in the future. Keep your fingers crossed.

'Tis the Season

We are definitely in full swing of the holidays at our house. Carter has learned the joys of making cookies (eatinmg the dough around the cookie cutters) and decorating (shaking the sprinkles into his mouth).

We also celebrated our family tradition of going to our former landlord’s property and cutting down a tree. It’s probably one of my favorite days of the year because Mark and I always reminisce about where we fell in love, and it somehow seems full circle to now share that special place with Carter.

Carter also loves the Christmas tree and excitedly runs to plug it in every morning as soon as he wakes up. He loves to talk about all the ornaments and rearrange them every once in awhile.

I have pulled out my Christmas CD’s and have reveled in dancing with Carter by the lights of the tree and singing at the top of my lungs. Carter alternates between a full-out belly laugh when we are spinning and dipping, and a tender snuggle when the slow songs come on. It’s such simple, delightful memory-making that I know I will look back on and smile. I already do.

Last week it snowed just enough for Carter and I to go sledding on one of my days off, and he loved it. As soon as we’d get to the bottom of the hill, he’d giggle and turn to me and say, “Again?” He even walked up the hill every time, pretty surprising since he seems to be in a stage of always wanting to be carried.

The arrival of the out of town guests begins tonight with Mark’s family, followed by my family on Friday. We will also have an additional three dogs at our house, so things will not be dull. I just hope the Christmas tree is still standing by Christmas day.

This year I have really made an effort to not be stressed out by the holidays and to see the simple joys every day that Carter experiences through new eyes. I have slowly gotten all the chores done (shopping, cleaning, cooking) without feeling rushed or overwhelmed. I've even carved out some time to play some Christmas carols on the piano. It’s amazing how slowing down can somehow make the work happen faster and less painfully.

With Carter’s help, I have remembered just what this season is about, and that if we just take a step back and look, the joy has always been there. Sometimes it just gets a little stifled by all the other stuff that comes with the holidays.

Merry Christmas to everyone, and may you all find a little time to smile at something simple and beautiful.