Blissful

9 months ago in Washington near Mt. Baker--Another day of bliss

Remember my last post about my internal schizophrenia? Right now, I'm having a moment of pure fulfillment. Today I woke up to a day forecasted to be 50 degrees with cloudless skies. I met a friend and we went snowshoeing in sparkling snow among beautiful evergreens under a deep blue sky.

Fast forward four hours, and I've just finished a luxurious bath and have had some time to read a thought-provoking book while smelling ribs in the slow cooker that Mark made. The kids sleep quietly in their room. I look around me and feel the bounty in this life I live. I feel almost gluttonous for enjoying such a self-indulgent day.

It's days like this that make me thankful for how fortunate I am. I find joy in the smallest details of life, and the snowball effect occurs; the more I appreciate, the more I notice, and the more I see, the more I am in awe of all I do have in my life.

May you find a moment to be thankful for those small things that make your life great.

Wordless

Icicles in Rocky Mountain National Park

Reading this post, I felt a moment of courage to be as honest, as open. Although my current feelings of being pulled in two directions stem from very different reasons than Jen's, I was somehow comforted by the feeling of a kindred spirit out there. Right now I feel I am living a life of dichotomous emotions. A sort of internal schizophrenia that leaves me exhausted. One moment I feel full to the brim with blessings, and the next I am empty and parched.

I am so muddled right now that I have no words to explain for others. Unlike times when I feel wronged and am eager to relay my story and rally support, now I find myself quiet and reluctant to seek solace in friends. This process is so different from other times in my life, it is so very internal and personal.

What I do know is I have fortitude. I can endure and prevail stronger than I started. I am in the fog with little direction, but I have the resources to find my way out. As with any journey, I remind myself to rely on patience, intuition, experience. Breathe and go slow.

I attempt in writing this to gain strength in honesty and sharing. Reality can seem less harsh once it is out there, and the universe doesn't come crashing down. Perhaps I can help another person out there not feel so alone.

Havasupai

This fall break a friend and I (along with her mom and her mom's friend) took a 6 day trip (that's right, with no kids!) backpacking down Havasupai Canyon near the Grand Canyon. It was quite a journey to get there (2 nights and 17 hours in the car later), we finally got to the trailhead and backpacked down 8 miles. In the canyon live the Havasupai tribe, Native Americans that were forced to live on the "reservation" created in the canyon for the last 130 or so years. There are no roads, so everything that enters and exits the canyon does so by foot, mule, or helicopter. It was quite an experience to see the people's way of life at the bottom of the canyon. Our main reason for going, though, were the AMAZING waterfalls.

For our trip I got to be just me, not mommy, wife, career lady, or house cleaner. That's the longest I've been away from my kids and family, ever. The first couple days were hard, but I finally found my rhythm and was able to let go of thoughts of home and to-do lists and worries. I was able to totally live in the present and simply observe the scenery around me, listen to the sounds of our feet walking, and worry only about blisters.

When I got back home, Mark asked me what the best part of my trip was. I responded, "The waterfalls and a renewed love of backpacking." I've found myself at the library perusing the backpacking Colorado books and other adventure travel writing. That is the thing that has been hardest for me since we've had kids--any sort of extensive adventurous travel is essentially out of the question right now. The kids just aren't old enough to walk far, to endure long plane rides, to wait for hours in a train station, to eat new foods. And I can't leave the kids for weeks on end while I leave to galavant around the world or in the backcountry. I find myself constantly pondering how I might make it work with two little ones and realize over and over that it's just not something that will work right now. That I need to hold onto, but push pause on, those dreams for a little while, until I can leave the kids for longer or bring them along...but I digress.

Below are some pictures that do no justice to the amazing scenes we saw on our trip. The weather was beautiful the whole time except when we were hoping to swim in the waterfalls. The landscape was just so dramatic because of the contrast of colors--red rocks, green plants, and blue water and sky. It was as if I just couldn't take in enough of it.

Fall Fun in Colorado

One thing I love about fall in Colorado is the weather. One minute it's warm and sunny, and the next it feels like winter. It keeps me on my toes, and I never get bored. This weekend we had just such weather. Below are pictures from Friday afternoon, and then Saturday morning. As usual, I'm behind the camera.

Carter said he wanted to jump in a pile of leaves, and since we cut down our big tree in our front yard last year, we had to go to a neighbor's house to offer to rake their leaves so we could jump in them. Carter loved it. Cameron wasn't so sure about the whole thing.


Saturday morning, about 15 hours later, we woke up to a bit of snow. Carter immediately wanted to go sledding. I had to convince him that there wasn't quite enough for that, but that we could still get all our snow clothes on and go play. It was all followed by hot chocolate, of course.

I wonder what this week will bring.

Wow, it's been awhile . . .

. . . since I last posted. Work is in full swing and I've had a birthday. Yep, no longer a twenty-something as my profile used to say. Carter has started preschool and Cameron's got all sorts of new tricks. Below are some photos to get us all back up to date. The pictures are in reverse order because of the way I uploaded them. Think of it as going back in time.

My family came to visit for my 30th birthday, and we went on a hike to see the beautiful aspens in the mountains. Carter finally likes smiling for the camera.

The trees were absolutely gorgeous. And not a cloud in the sky.

"Papa" and Carter found every rock they could to jump off of.

For my dad's birthday, Laura and I took him fishing. Laura even caught a fish that we ate for dinner.

Carter had his very own fishing pole, but instead of a hook on the end, he had a rubber worm. He loved it.

Laura and Carter had some good bonding time over rootbeer.

A couple weeks ago we found a new climbing spot with no approach. It was a beautiful day. Here Mark's attempting a 5.11. It was a bit tough.

We went to an end-of-summer festival at a local park and we got to walk around the hot air balloons they were inflating. Carter and Cameron loved how big they were.

At the end of summer we found a great park that had fountains the kids could play in. Cameron was a little tentative, but Carter loved stepping on the spraying water.

Over Labor Day weekend a good friend from high school, Nicole, came to visit. Her whole family came out, and we went on a hike in Evergreen. It sprinkled just a bit, but the weather held out pretty well.

The bike trailer that sits under our deck has become a favorite place for the two boys to play.

Does this picture just make you cringe? Amazingly, no one got konked on the head.

At the end of August we took a family camping trip to a place we'd never been before.

Cameron loved sitting in the big camp chairs.

Carter liked playing in the tent.

Carter's first day of preschool. He wasn't much in the mood for picture-taking. He goes right down the hall from where I work. My favorite part of the day is when his class walks by my class on their way to recess, and Carter peeks his head in to say hi.

Trip to the Outer Banks

I can't believe I haven't posted since July. Time has slipped away since I've returned to work. It's taken me awhile to finally get all the pictures together from our trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Mark's family and lots of relatives rented a house in Northern Shores, so we spent the week showing the boys what it meant to go on a beach vacation. They both loved it, of course. Below are some pictures from our trip.

We drove north a bit to see the wild horses on the beach. It's amazing how close they came.

Cameron often ended up naked by the end of our beach time so we could get all the sand out of everywhere.

Carter and Mark loved chasing the waves.

Cameron helped us bury Carter in the sand.

Carter and I chased the edge of the water.

Mark tried to ride some waves on the boogy board.

Cameron loved to watch us play wii and stole the remote when he could. Since then, we've gotten our own wii and play it almost every night.

In the evenings we played corn hole, and Carter liked to watch from the back of Brian's truck.

Here's the whole lot of us that spent the week together. The kids loved having people everywhere to play with them.

Home

(The view of the sunset out our front door)

After a lovely week at the Outer Banks of North Carolina, our family is home and beginning to find the rhythm of regular life again. Although I would love to share our adventures of the trip, I accidentally left my camera in my brother-in-law's car, so I'll save my stories and pictures for another post. For now, a few thoughts on coming home.

I lived on the East coast for a good 12 or so years, if you count my time in Nashville, so I know humidity. But having now lived in Colorado for the past 7, I know it doesn't suit me. Mark and I found ourselves commenting more than once on the way back home how much we were looking forward to returning to our dry Colorado air. And that's when I was reminded how much I really love where I live.

I know that dry air doesn't sound like much to those of you who've never been here during the summer, but it's amazing. It's a cool 65 or so degrees in the morning. And the sky is amazing because it's just so blue. The day slowly heats up and you can begin to shed your morning layers (yes, we wear layers even in summer) as the sun peaks and heats the earth. Swimming is delightful because the water cools your skin so quickly as it evaporates in the dry air.

And then there are the evenings. Bugs are hard to come by, sunsets are always amazing because of the lingering clouds from the frequent afternoon cloud bursts, and the chimenea calls your name as the air cools once again to that temperature that is just chilled enough to make you want to cuddle.

It's these things I looked forward to as our plane headed towards Denver. But not only the weather. Also the sense of home. A place where all our family comes together to be with each other. To find space together and apart. To come and go and pass one another in these familiar rooms and hallways. Where we brush up against each other as we move, as we have a thousand times before.

Familiarity can become mundane at times, but after a trip, it's comforting, like a blanket from your childhood. It makes you appreciate what you have and be thankful that, even after a wonderful trip, you want to come back home.