Cutie Cameron and other miscellaneous photos

I've had some requests for some more Cameron pictures. It's funny because I actually take more pictures of him, but I seem to post more of Carter. So, below are some miscellaneous pictures of the boys, with plenty of Cameron. There's even a rare family photo of us. We're in Idaho Springs in the hot springs pool. Enjoy!

Yellowstone in Pictures

I love the above picture because it is so unstaged and innocent. Last Saturday morning sleep seemed to visit daddy and Cameron at the same time. Cameron kept giggling in his sleep. I wish I had audio to include.

The rest of the pictures below are from our trip to Yellowstone over Labor Day weekend. It was a long drive but worth it. I had never been before, and it was such a great place to take little kids because there were boardwalks everywhere that were stroller-friendly. We saw some amazing geologic formations. I'm also excited about these pictures because I'm learning how to enhance them through iPhoto. Let me know what you think!

Mark and Carter looking in awe at the steam and blue water. Mark was giving Carter a very scientific explanation of it all.

Near Old Faithful. It was such a beautiful day.

Old Faithful going off, right on time. It was a pretty incredible sight.

Carter and Cameron, trading seats in the stroller. Carter has been so lovey towards Cameron. I've loved seeing the two of them together.

The amazing blue water. They say it's often hotter than boiling point because of the immense pressure. Pretty cool.

The Mask of Motherhood

Yesterday I got together with two friends who have kids the same ages as Carter and Cameron. It was the first time all three of us have been together with all of our kids. The conversation started out with the standard, "How is your baby sleeping? How is the older sibling handling it?" etc. But slowly, comments about some of the common mother struggles we're dealing with began to come out. Like, how it can be exhausting to be a mother and wife in the same day. And that our kids actually annoy us sometimes. And that some part of us is actually looking forward to returning to work. But as each of these admissions was made, the confessor would follow it with some comment like, "I must be the worst mother in the world," or, "Isn't that terrible?" rather than assuming that such negative thoughts and feelings are totally normal.

In my experience it seems mothers are expected to love and smile at every aspect of motherhood, and to not like part of it is some sort of failure. We don't openly discuss the moments we don't like; it's only in hushed intimate conversations that we admit such things. Why is that? We easily express our frustrations with work, with in-laws, even with spouses to an extent, but for some reason being a parent is different.

Everyone says that being a mother is the hardest, best job there is. But it has become such a cliche phrase that it's lost its meaning. Becoming a mother is so easy--one passionate night--that the difficulty of successfully raising a child doesn't even fall on the same scale.

I continue to urge myself to be honest and open about motherhood and not put on the smiling supermom mask that disguises when I'm struggling. Expressing my true, unfiltered feelings almost always results in someone else nodding along and sighing in relief that she's not alone, either. In this way stronger bonds are made among mothers and we each feel a little less alone. A little more normal. A little more forgiving of ourselves as mothers.

A new dance

I'm taking a deep breath right now. And a second. Not something that happens very often around here these days. Life is full with two kids. Sometimes it feels so chaotic that I wish I could snap my fingers and escape to five years ago, but those moments are few and far between. Mostly, I love the feeling of completeness I have when I am caring for my family.

Mark and I are gingerly feeling out the dance steps needed to follow the music of two children. Sometimes I have to stand in place rocking a baby in my arms while Mark twirls around me to entertain Carter. Other times, Mark has to bow off the dance floor to take a few minutes' rest and nurse a beer before re-entering, ready to go again. We definitely step on each other's toes at times, but we try to be understanding and recognize that neither of us is familiar with this new music, that we both need time to find the rhythm and get in the groove.

Below are some recent pictures of some of our more peaceful moments. I try to make an effort to cherish those times when we are just living in the moment without worries of finances and daycare and parenting disagreements.

Mark and the boys on the couch (credit: Noelani for the cute clothes!) As you can see, Cameron is having no problem putting on weight. After his most recent doctor's appointment, the doctor said I seem to be equipped to feed triplets, at least. Cameron had gained 4 pounds in two weeks, half his body weight.

This is Cameron's first camping trip at six weeks old. People thought we were crazy for doing it, but I think we needed to prove to ourselves that we could still get out in the the woods, even with two kids. It went pretty smoothly. Not quite as relaxing as camping without kids, but still better than not going. I think we're going to attempt it again this weekend, with some climbing mixed in, too.

Me and the boys. Cameron's getting some naked time to heal his diaper rash, and Carter's hammin' it up for the camera. Lately, when Carter sits next to Cameron or asks to hold him, he then says, "Camera?" as if to imply, "Don't we look cute enough to take a picture of?" And he's usually right.

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Cameron's Arrival

Wow. How life can change. I just read my last posting about timing contractions, and can't believe that was only a month ago. After being induced on my scheduled day (April 24), I finally have my beautiful new little boy, Cameron James. He has so quietly and smoothly slipped into our lives that it feels like he has always been a part of our family.

I think we were all bracing for our lives to be turned upside down and inside out with Cameron's arrival. My parents came for four weeks and basically took over running our household (a gift I wish upon anyone deserving; hopefully we were) and then the day they departed, Mark's parents came to take over the duties. The extra help has made life feel doable and manageable and enjoyable. I have been able to really spend some quality time with each of my kids without feeling like the other was being left out; there has always been someone else around to provide the other one with care. I haven't had to worry about life's daily tasks like laundry and vacuuming.

When all the help is gone and it's just Mark and me at home, will we still feel like we can handle this new ratio of 1:1? Or will we wish we had more relatives to call on to take on the daily duties? I'm hoping for the former and fearing the latter. I'm sure we'll have moments of both and will cherish the good time and endure the challenging bits. Only time will tell. For now I'm just going to fully appreciate all of the help and support I have that allows me to really enjoy my new little family.

Below are some pictures of our first days and weeks together. My favorites all tend to be of Carter and Cameron together. They make me feel complete.