New Duds

I thought it was about time for a blog overhaul. New color scheme. And that picture at the top? I took it in Yellowstone. Pretty cool, eh? I'm still waiting for another picture of me to post. I always seem to be the one behind the camera. Let me know what you think of the new look!

Why there is a God

"Where dat come from?"

"Why?"

These are Carter's two favorite questions right now. For everything. For anything I say, he responds with one of these two questions, and as fast as I can answer him, he asks again for the answer I've given. Here's a sample conversation:

"Mommy, what doin'?"
"I'm taking the trash out."
"Why?"
"Because it's full."
"Where dat come from?"
"Well, when we throw lots of things away, it fills up the trash."
"Why?"
"Because things take up space."
"Why?"
"They're made of something called matter. That means they take up space."
"Where dat come from?"

This is where I get stuck. Where does matter come from. And it all started with taking out the trash. I've tried explaining the history of the universe, the big bang theory, the structure of an atom. I've tried cycling through simple answers a two-year-old will understand.

Now I understand the simple answer, "God," that so many people give. No wonder people believe in God. He's that final answer in the end that stops the cycle of questioning. Maybe I'll find my faith after all.

Yellowstone in Pictures

I love the above picture because it is so unstaged and innocent. Last Saturday morning sleep seemed to visit daddy and Cameron at the same time. Cameron kept giggling in his sleep. I wish I had audio to include.

The rest of the pictures below are from our trip to Yellowstone over Labor Day weekend. It was a long drive but worth it. I had never been before, and it was such a great place to take little kids because there were boardwalks everywhere that were stroller-friendly. We saw some amazing geologic formations. I'm also excited about these pictures because I'm learning how to enhance them through iPhoto. Let me know what you think!

Mark and Carter looking in awe at the steam and blue water. Mark was giving Carter a very scientific explanation of it all.

Near Old Faithful. It was such a beautiful day.

Old Faithful going off, right on time. It was a pretty incredible sight.

Carter and Cameron, trading seats in the stroller. Carter has been so lovey towards Cameron. I've loved seeing the two of them together.

The amazing blue water. They say it's often hotter than boiling point because of the immense pressure. Pretty cool.

This too shall pass

Right now my life feels so very full that it’s beginning to stretch at the seams, the individual threads that hold it together are visible and strained. Those little threads that contain the weight of my days and nights are vulnerable to the slightest abrasion that could slice through the fibers, and it all could come tumbling down.

I am trying just to maintain right now, not take on too much or go too fast. Be gentle with myself and try to do the same for others. The Jewish phrase, “This too shall pass,” rings true with me right now, regarding both the lovely and the irksome. I feel surrounded by this dichotomy right now, cherishing the quiet moments with Cameron and his baby smell, and breathing through the long days of working and mothering and “wifing” with little time for myself.

“This too shall pass” has become my mantra recently, to remind myself to enjoy the little moments in life because they will soon be gone, and to let go of many of my worries, because they are only temporal. Do not rush through these days; there will be time for other aspirations and desires. What I have now is worth embracing with every atom of my being.

The Mask of Motherhood

Yesterday I got together with two friends who have kids the same ages as Carter and Cameron. It was the first time all three of us have been together with all of our kids. The conversation started out with the standard, "How is your baby sleeping? How is the older sibling handling it?" etc. But slowly, comments about some of the common mother struggles we're dealing with began to come out. Like, how it can be exhausting to be a mother and wife in the same day. And that our kids actually annoy us sometimes. And that some part of us is actually looking forward to returning to work. But as each of these admissions was made, the confessor would follow it with some comment like, "I must be the worst mother in the world," or, "Isn't that terrible?" rather than assuming that such negative thoughts and feelings are totally normal.

In my experience it seems mothers are expected to love and smile at every aspect of motherhood, and to not like part of it is some sort of failure. We don't openly discuss the moments we don't like; it's only in hushed intimate conversations that we admit such things. Why is that? We easily express our frustrations with work, with in-laws, even with spouses to an extent, but for some reason being a parent is different.

Everyone says that being a mother is the hardest, best job there is. But it has become such a cliche phrase that it's lost its meaning. Becoming a mother is so easy--one passionate night--that the difficulty of successfully raising a child doesn't even fall on the same scale.

I continue to urge myself to be honest and open about motherhood and not put on the smiling supermom mask that disguises when I'm struggling. Expressing my true, unfiltered feelings almost always results in someone else nodding along and sighing in relief that she's not alone, either. In this way stronger bonds are made among mothers and we each feel a little less alone. A little more normal. A little more forgiving of ourselves as mothers.

Picture Recap

Below are some pictures from our summer adventures. I had a hard time choosing just a few from the hundreds we have. Two kids really necessitates lots of photos.

We went camping with some friends and the two kids, and even got some climbing in. Carter got to try out his new harness that he had gotten for his birthday, and Cameron was happiest swinging in the tree (I'd insert "Rock A Bye Baby" here if I knew how.)


This is the beginning of our summer yard project. We first took out a huge dying cottonwood tree that was just to the right of the bobcat. We then wanted to add a brick walkway. When the sand and gravel was delivered, the driveway cracked, so that led to the project of pouring a new driveway.

Here, most of the brick walkway has been laid (a very tedious job!) and the driveway is ready to be poured. Soon I'll post pictures of the finished project.

Cameron smiles all the time now, and I just love it. Here's when he first started smiling. Carter loves to lay a blanket on the floor and have me lay Cameron next to him. Then they chat on the floor in their brother language.

One of our favorite summer places is on the hammock. Cameron's almost guaranteed to fall asleep, and it's a rare moment when Carter is actually still. As you can see, clothing is optional at our house when it's hot.

The boys sleeping in. I love this picture because it's an absolute rarity in our house to have this many people sleeping at the same time, much less in the same room. Of course, on this morning we had to be somewhere at 8:30, so I had to wake everyone up right after I took this picture.

Here's Carter at the Space Needle during our visit to Washington (see previous post). He kept looking up at it and saying, "What's that called?" He was in awe.

"Mimi" and Carter on the beach by my parents' house. I think we adults were as excited for Carter to see the beach as he was. We all kept running up to him and saying, "Look at this! Look at this!" He would try to acknowledge our excitement by picking up whatever it was we were showing him, make an interested face, and then throw it to the ground.

He took on the role of patient parent while we excited children were looking for his reaction.





We took a hike with kids in tow through some old growth forest to an amazing waterfall. Look at the tree behind us!

We went strawberry picking near my parents' house, and Carter loved it. He would pick strawberry after strawberry and eat them. Carter's showing off one of his finds.

Here's another picture in Seattle Center where we taught Carter what "killing time" meant. He kept saying the phrase as if he was really trying to understand.

So that's our summer in a nutshell. Lots of fun, lots of projects, and a little relaxing. Overall, a great time.

Summer's End

With only six days left until I officially return to work, I am a bit anxious of the impending transition. I have loved the past 14 weeks off. I had a little trepidation going into such a long stretch of time off with two kids and not a lot planned because I was afraid of long days sitting in the house with bored and/or crying kids and a restless husband. That was not the case. Between a major yard project (tree removal, new brick walkway, driveway replaced and flagstone patio), a trip to Keystone for a conference, a trip to my parents' house in Washington, and lots of visitors, there was never a dull moment.

Staying so busy gave Mark and me lots of practice handling two kids in a variety of situations, and this past Friday felt like the final exam. We had 24 hours between the time my parents had to drop us off at the airport in Seattle and the time our plane took off. This is no small feat with a 2 year old and (literally) 200 pounds of luggage. We found a hotel near the airport and made use of shuttles, public buses, monorails and our feet to get to downtown Seattle, enjoy ourselves, and then back to the airport in time for our 8:45 pm flight. It was a success. So much of a success, in fact, that Mark and I think Carter was actually better behaved and happier than on an average day. (I'm not sure what that implies, so let's move on.)

Daycare is still not settled. We had a woman semi-arranged, but then she decided she only wanted to watch one kid, not two. So here we sit, less than a week away from needing care with not even a possibility. This is a major contributing factor to my feeling of sadness as the summer ends because I don't know what we will be doing with the kids.

I am trying to just enjoy these last few days and focus on the good, not fear the the unknown and upcoming stresses. Tonight both kids were in bed by 8pm. That is a celebration. I just finished eating some delicious brownies. Another reason to smile.

I imagine I'm one of many in the sea of kids getting ready to return to school with mixed feelings. I will miss these great weeks off I've had, but I look forward to seeing my colleagues again and being mentally stimulated by my job. I also think our family does better with a little more routine, so I will try to enjoy that, as well, although the lazy (or busy) days of summer are tough to beat.