Thursday, April 17, 2008

A Lesson in Patience

I am sitting on the couch right now at the late hour of 10:45 (I have not seen past 9:30 in months) timing contractions. I am scheduled to be induced next Thursday, a week from today, but as soon as I hit full-term yesterday, I have been watching myself like a hawk for the slightest sign of labor. Every little pain and pinch and irregularity has me wondering if this could be it. I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm energetic, I'm happy I'm sad...could this be a sign?

After nine months of feeling like my body has been going through renovations by some uninvited construction team, I'm ready for the crew to pack up their stuff and take these huge thighs with them. Mark keeps telling me it's not quite time yet, but there's really no way to describe to someone who hasn't been through pregnancy just how "all-encompassing" it is.

Today I came home from work at noon after having a headache, dry-heaving, utter exhaustion, and just all-over ickiness. I was willing to go through all that if it was labor, but after a three hour nap, much to my disappointment, I was feeling better and more like myself again.

Now that I've had that long nap, I'm wide awake, and of course the contractions I'm feeling aren't helping to calm me down at all. The doctor said to call as soon as I seem to have any sort of rhythm to the contractions to make sure I get in in time, but I don't know whether what's going on is worth all the trouble we'll have to go through to go to the hospital. Having Carter really complicates things. And who wants to pay for a hospital visit when it could just turn out to be a false alarm?

So I'm trying to be patient and objectively time my contractions. I know the hope in the back of my mind is I'll decide to go to the hospital and they'll tell me that even if I happen to not be in labor, they may as well induce since they were going to anyway. Unfortunately, in the time I've been writing this, the contractions seem to be subsiding. I may not even have an excuse to go to the hospital.

Patience. It brings back memories of having to wait until Christmas morning to open presents. Maybe that's the real point of Santa Claus, to teach us a lesson in patience. I surely am having to muster up all the patience I have right now to not call the doctor and and ask her if I can have my gift, my child, right now.