Wednesday, December 19, 2007

'Tis the Season

We are definitely in full swing of the holidays at our house. Carter has learned the joys of making cookies (eatinmg the dough around the cookie cutters) and decorating (shaking the sprinkles into his mouth).

We also celebrated our family tradition of going to our former landlord’s property and cutting down a tree. It’s probably one of my favorite days of the year because Mark and I always reminisce about where we fell in love, and it somehow seems full circle to now share that special place with Carter.

Carter also loves the Christmas tree and excitedly runs to plug it in every morning as soon as he wakes up. He loves to talk about all the ornaments and rearrange them every once in awhile.

I have pulled out my Christmas CD’s and have reveled in dancing with Carter by the lights of the tree and singing at the top of my lungs. Carter alternates between a full-out belly laugh when we are spinning and dipping, and a tender snuggle when the slow songs come on. It’s such simple, delightful memory-making that I know I will look back on and smile. I already do.

Last week it snowed just enough for Carter and I to go sledding on one of my days off, and he loved it. As soon as we’d get to the bottom of the hill, he’d giggle and turn to me and say, “Again?” He even walked up the hill every time, pretty surprising since he seems to be in a stage of always wanting to be carried.

The arrival of the out of town guests begins tonight with Mark’s family, followed by my family on Friday. We will also have an additional three dogs at our house, so things will not be dull. I just hope the Christmas tree is still standing by Christmas day.

This year I have really made an effort to not be stressed out by the holidays and to see the simple joys every day that Carter experiences through new eyes. I have slowly gotten all the chores done (shopping, cleaning, cooking) without feeling rushed or overwhelmed. I've even carved out some time to play some Christmas carols on the piano. It’s amazing how slowing down can somehow make the work happen faster and less painfully.

With Carter’s help, I have remembered just what this season is about, and that if we just take a step back and look, the joy has always been there. Sometimes it just gets a little stifled by all the other stuff that comes with the holidays.

Merry Christmas to everyone, and may you all find a little time to smile at something simple and beautiful.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Home improvements

My last post was about how it feels like I have so little time. Apparently, I didn't have time to finish it. But I have this week off, and my parents have been here to help with a home improvement project in preparation for selling our house. We have removed all the peeling wallpaper from our basement, painted, and put up baseboard. It looks so much better and updated.

Mark thinks that we should have put up wood paneling instead. It's hard when your house slowly begins to not feel like your own, and that you're working on it for someone else, rather than for yourself. Although wood paneling would have been fine for us, it doesn't seem as sellable as a room painted, "sellable white".

Soon we will also be putting in a new kitchen floor, pergo most likely, something I definitely wouldn't pick if we were staying, but the cheapest way to replace our deteriorating parquet. Especially with the way the housing market is, it seems like we have to have our house in tip-top shape just to be considered in this highly competitive, over-saturated market. We can only hope things improve by spring.

Even trying to play the odds, though, it's impossible to know what the buyer will want. My parents recently sold their house, and one of the biggest selling points of their house, they thought, were the woods that lined the backyard. Apparently the new owners have cut down most of the forest so that the yard is now a stump graveyard. Who would think you wouldn't want some trees for privacy, shade, and lushness?

Who knows, maybe we'll get a buyer who will put up the same wallpaper we just put down and wish our kitchen floor was linoleum. I guess you can only shoot for the middle and hope to please most of the people who view our house.

I'm looking forward to when we own a house that we plan on staying in for awhile and can make our own. We could put down plaid carpet and paint the walls pink if we wanted to, and won't be worrying about its resale value any time soon. But, until then, we'll be playing the guessing game of improving our house in ways that others will hopefully like, without much consideration of our needs and tastes.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween

Tonight was Carter's first Halloween that counts. But the story starts yesterday when I pulled out Carter's Hershey Kiss costume from last year to try on him before he had to wear it at daycare today. Well, as soon as he saw it, he was quite opposed to the idea. I tried just putting it on him to see if he'd tolerate it once he was wearing it, but no. He was going to have nothing to do with being a Hershey Kiss. So after Carter went to bed and Mark came home, I ran to the stores at closing time, frantic to find a costume he might wear. Babies R Us had one lone pumpkin costume, size 6-9 months, and I knew right away that wouldn't work. I ran into a woman eyeing the same costume, and she said she'd been all over town, and that no one had anything. I hung my head, crossed my fingers, and headed to Target.

Target had about 3 different costumes in a slim picking of sizes, but I happened to find a size 3T dragon costume that looked pretty comfortable and wearable. It also looked decently warm with layering possibilities, an important consideration since it was supposed to be in the 40's for Halloween. I bought it and hoped that Carter would consider it. The next morning I waited as long as possible to put it on him, and minutes before we had to leave for daycare, the first place he had to don the outfit, I pulled out the green dragon suit and made Carter think it was the most exciting piece of clothing he'd ever seen. It was love at first sight. He was drawn to the big red spots and couldn't wait to do up the zipper. He even left the hood on. Crisis averted.

This evening I was as excited about Halloween as I've ever been. After insisting everyone eat a good dinner, we headed out at 5:30 or so, ready to get some candy. Knowing Carter's love of chocolate and sweets, neither Mark and I were sure how far we'd get, and guessed Carter would probably eat all the candy he collected before we even got home. We didn't even bring a bag to collect the candy in. We set out and found only one house with a light on, and it was way down the street. We had jumped the gun a bit. So we turned around and killed some time before heading out a little more than an hour later. There were a few more lights on.

We went to the first house, rang the doorbell, and said trick or treat to the woman who opened the door. Carter tried to go in the house, and when she just offered a bowl of candy, Carter was quite confused. He didn't understand why we weren't going inside, and what was he supposed to do with a whole bowl of candy? We finally got him to take one piece and say thank you. He did want to eat it, so we gave him a bite and moved onto the next house.

By the fourth house, Carter had Halloween figured out, and he loved the idea. He would look to see if their porch light was on, run to the door and look for the doorbell, ring it as many times as he could before I pulled him away, and then wait with anticipation. He'd grab one or two pieces of candy, give his winning Carter smile, say thank you, and gallop (yes, gallop, a new trick of his) back to the sidewalk. He'd run to the wagon we had brought, throw his candy in as he ran by, and head to the next house. He loved every bit of it. He loved the Jack-O-Lanterns and would peek inside every one he saw. He loved the flashing lights people had set up in their yards. He loved meeting so many new faces. He probably couldn't have cared less about the candy part, other than he loved picking out what he wanted from the bowl.

When the night was finally over, he came in our house, and before doing anything else, he climbed up to the kitchen table and wanted to eat some more macaroni and cheese for dinner. Other than the one bite of candy he had at the first house, he's candy-free. All the worrying I did about how to limit his sugar intake and how I was going to get him to bed tonight, and here he just wants to eat more mac n' cheese. I'm not complaining.

I must say, this has been my favorite Halloween. I was never a big one for dressing up and going out when I was younger, so Halloween was never a big holiday on my list. But seeing Carter in his adorable dragon costume loving every little bit of Halloween, from the lights to the people, to the doorbell, I have found a new love for it. I'm already looking forward to next year.

Below are some pictures of Carter in his costume.






Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Carter's Birthday Present

Carter's birthday is one week from today, and I have yet to buy him a present. I was sitting here thinking, how horrible a mother am I? I don't even care enough about my son's birthday to think of a gift, much less buy anything. But I realize that's not the case. Carter is fortunate enough to have grandparents and aunts and uncles that love him so much and want to shower him with whatever toys he might want. We as his parents are lucky enough to be able to provide the basics for him so that he doesn't want for simple things like clothes, good food, and a space of his own.

What I have realized is that it's not that I don't care enough to give him gifts, it's that the gifts that I want to give him are not things you can buy in the store. If I had a wishing well, I would wish the following for Carter for his birthday:
  1. Know he is loved
  2. Believe he can achieve anything in this world
  3. Experience joy every day
  4. Feel safe and trusting of everyone he depends on
  5. See or do something new every day
  6. Be full of wonder about the world we live in
  7. Feel passion for life and what he chooses to do with it
  8. Never want for life's basic needs
Wouldn't it be nice if we could wrap those sorts of things up and give them to our children to open? I only hope that in some little way I'm able to give these things to him each day.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

catching up

As many of you may have noticed, I have not written in awhile, and it's not for lack of things to talk about. It's more that life is so busy I have not had time to record and reflect. The biggest news, which many of you already know, is that I'm pregnant. Yep, due May 7. Perfect timing, too, because I'll have six weeks of maternity leave and then 7-8 weeks of summer before having to go back to work in August. What can I say? Mark and I are pretty good at timing. Anyway, so I've had quite the dose of morning sickness that, as soon as I begin to think is tapering off, returns full force. I'm also so tired that I have a hard time making it to 9:00 before going to bed. Between a husband, dog, 2-year-old son, a baby on the way, and a full-time job, I'm sure you can imagine what state our house is in.

But we've been having fun, too. Last week for fall break Mark's family came out and we drove to Moab, Utah and met up with my family. We saw some beautiful sights in Arches National Park, did some hiking, and some of us got to go canyoneering. It was also a great time for both sets of parents to be together since that hadn't happened since our wedding. Mark and I even had a night to ourselves because Carter had a sleepover with my parents. It was a treat.

In my free time I'm trying to get in as much climbing as I can because I know the time is rapidly approaching when I'll have to take a break from the sport for a few months. There have also been trips to the park since we've been having such beautiful fall weather, and lots of backyard playtime.

We're beginning to think about getting our house ready to sell in the spring since the bedroom layout isn't great for two kids. We're planning on taking off the wallpaper in the entire downstairs and then repainting, and also replacing the kitchen floor. We'll see how that looks and then go from there. Mark has some other grandiose plans, but I'd rather leave the house just presentable and do improvements on the next house. We're hoping to move up the hill somewhere near where we used to live, if you're familiar with our cabins. We want to still be commuting distance from my job because I really love what I do, and it's the only position of it's kind I know of.

I think that's a quick synopsis of what's going on here, and when I can, I'll write. Maybe I'll begin to have more energy second trimester and I won't feel like I'm living for bedtime. Hopefully, I won't go as long without writing, though, because I really do miss it for my own personal reflection and musing. Don't give up on me yet.

Friday, September 14, 2007

my own little fireworks show

As I was getting ready for bed tonight, I filled up Winston's water bowl and happened to look out the window. Something caught my eye. Our house sits up on a hill, so we can see for quite a few miles, and it happened that somewhere in the area, there was a terrific fireworks display. I had a great, unobstructed view and just stood and watched. There's something so beautiful and indescribable about fireworks. And I got to thinking, that's what it's like to love your own child.

Everyone can tell you how great it is, how you'll be so amazed and changed and humbled, but it's really not something that can be described. People will sometimes ask me to tell them a funny story about what Carter's up to lately, and I try, but I know it never comes close to the actual experience. We recently got Carter a little grocery cart, and he absolutely loves the thing. He'll go around the house gathering up toys, his blanket, a cup of milk, anything, and pushes everything around in his grocery cart. It makes me giggle every time I see it. But, do you see? Telling the story makes it sound like such a non-event, something not even worth mentioning.

Here's another one: Carter likes to stay in the car in the garage after we come home, and he just climbs over the seats and pushes lots of buttons. I make sure to check on him every couple minutes, so tonight when he was playing around and I was peeking in, he accidentally leaned really hard on the horn and totally scared himself. He immediately dropped down into the driver's seat and looked around, trying to figure out what had happened, and seeing whether anyone was coming to tell him he was in trouble. I just stayed still with my head peaked in, and when he finally saw me, he smiled and sighed with relief, saying, "Beep, beep!" Again, a mediocre story, but the love I felt for him at that moment was overwhelming. He has so much curiosity, independence, and just plain-old cuteness that just makes me melt inside.

He's my little impromptu display of fireworks. I never know when he's going to put on a show that's going to leave me in awe and full of love and wonder, but I know the feeling I have will never be justified by description or explanation.

Monday, September 10, 2007

All in the Family

Over Labor Day weekend I was in the wedding of one of my best friends, Nicole, from high school. Another good friend from childhood, Evie, was there as well, and the three of us enjoyed the festivities and hung out most of the weekend. I loved spending time with great friends and having some time to sleep in or just be. Other than my bridesmaidly duties, I had very few responsibilities and was able to just relax . . . sort of.

This trip was the longest time I have been away from Carter, and I was expecting it to be a welcome break from changing diapers and waking up at the crack of dawn. And it was. But I really and truly missed my family. Much more than I had expected. This trip made it clear to me who my family is now.

I think we all go through different phases of life and different people become a part of our immediate family. Early childhood, of course is, for most people, our parents and siblings. But middle school and high school it begins to shift to our circle of friends, those people with whom we share our most intimate secrets and the minutae of our lives. Going off to college signifies another change in family, a change to our roommates and classmates whom we live with and study near.

After I moved away from all the people that had constituted family up until a few years ago, my family became a hodge-podge of people, a mixture of all the family from my past: parents, sister, high school and college friends; and then Mark. Now that Mark and I are married and have our own child, my new family has solidified itself for now. It is very clearly Mark and Carter (and Winston). They are the ones I share my daily life with and miss if I'm away for more than a day or so. My life is inextricably linked to theirs, and the line between each of us is blurred.

In no way does my new family take away from everyone that's been a part of my family, but the direction my heartstrings pull is different. No longer do I feel lost without my circle of friends; I need them, but in a different way. The wedding weekend made me realize how important my current family is, and that a part of me will always miss them and want them with me. They are the ones I wake up for in the morning and look forward to spending my days with. They are the ones that are always in my thoughts.

The other day we were all taking a hike, and a woman who was walking looked at us and smiled, and then commented, "What a nice family unit!" A bit of an odd comment, but somehow it resonated with me and made me warm inside. We are a "nice family unit".

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Childlike wonder

Mark's parents came to town, so this weekend we got out and about in the area. We took Carter to Tiny Town, something I've always wanted to do, but have never had a reason to go. Carter loved peaking in the windows of the little houses and feeling so big. We also got to ride the train around the park. Here's Carter standing on the front steps of a house, and then lounging on the front porch of another.





Last night we went to the Rocky Mountain Balloon Festival (video) and it was magical. We brought a picnic and sat in the grass while we were surrounded by 25 or 30 hot air balloons being rolled out and inflated. Carter was entranced because he always spots the balloons on our way to work, and now he got to be up close and personal with these enormous balloons. After the sun set and all the balloons were inflated, they do something called a moon glow, where every few minutes they do a count down and all the balloons fire their burners at the same time. You feel like your a magical world for just a few seconds, surrounded by all the glowing balloons. Check these pictures out.





I felt that awe of a young child when the present seems to envelop you and take away thoughts of any other time and place. I was surrounded by the moment and felt such childlike amazement at what I was seeing. It was a meditative experience of sorts that leaves your soul feeling full and satisfied. I'm already looking forward to going back next year.




Sunday, August 19, 2007

Life is Good

I continue to love my job. I was talking with a friend the other day on the phone who asked what I actually do each day, and I couldn't really tell her. I could name some of the things I do some days, but I really don't have a regular set of things to accomplish each day. That used to be the hard part of my job, but I think that's what I like so much about it. I have embraced its ambiguity and have begun to enjoy the fact that I can define what I do, emphasize the things I do well, and push myself in the areas of less familiarity without feeling like I have outside expectations imposed upon me.

The climate of the school is also unlike anywhere else I have worked. It is one of the most supportive places I've been. I feel like every time I turn around someone is telling me how well I am fitting into my new position, and that their impressed at how I handle certain situations. I think it is less about me and more about how everyone realizes how a little reinforcement makes all the difference in the world. I say this because I hear positive comments all around me about many of the people I work with. As with anywhere, there are of course exceptions. But they're just that--exceptions.

As hard as it is to take Carter to daycare, I really do look forward to going to work each day, and having Carter in a place we are really happy with makes the whole task of balancing work and home that much easier. By no means am I "doing it all" (you should see the inch of dust that has accumulated on the shelves), but in some ways being a working mom is less difficult than I thought. Of course I wish I could have more time with Carter and make more money and have unicorns in our backyard . . . but you can't have everything. I feel like I've got what matters. Life is good.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Hybridalicious

So we finally bought a car. A new car. I've never had a new new car. Even growing up, we've only ever had new used cars. It smells new. It looks new. It has less than 500 miles on it so far. Yesterday a bird pooped on it and I actually cleaned it off with spit and a napkin. It's not a fancy car with all the bells and whistles, but considering our other cars have at 150,000 miles on them, the fact that the windows all work and the antenna goes all the way up are pretty cool features.

We bought a Toyota Prius which, admittedly, makes me feel like I have a right to sit a little higher on my high horse. I feel like I am making that step towards having less of an impact on the environment. In reality, the car really makes sense for our family in just about every way, but I still feel like I can rationalize spending so much money on a new car a little more. We've been averaging 50 miles to the gallon, which is a great improvement over the Jeep (avg. 15 mpg), and the car does have some pretty cool enhancements, like a touch screen display for the radio, climate control, etc., a back-up camera, and a pretty great stereo. And did I mention the new car smell? The car makes annoying errands and driving across town not only tolerable, but enjoyable.

And the greatest part is, Mark and I both love it. It wasn't a purchase that just he wanted or that I thought we needed. We totally agreed on it. So we ride around together and talk about how cool it is and that we couldn't have bought a better car. I even got to surprise Mark with it. Last Saturday Mark was out of town in the Tetons, so I went to the dealership to just talk some financing because grandma came through with a little check that made it all possible. Of course, the dealer wanted to know how he could get me in a car that day. I told him, and he met my offer. So I went ahead and bought the car (Mark not even knowing about grandma's gift) and drove up in it Monday night after he came home. He was thrilled. It was so much fun to be able to do such a big surprise with very little hesitation. Mark's expression was priceless.

Here's our lovely new car. The Prius. You can almost smell it through the picture, can't you?



Friday, August 3, 2007

Out and about

In an effort to feed parts of my starving soul that hadn't been given any sustenance for awhile, I have been trying to get out and get some "culture" in my life. (See What do you want?) It's amazing how easy it's been to find little things here and there that feel so nourishing. During five days off with Carter when Mark was out of town, we went to the Children's Museum, the Butterfly Pavilion, a concert at Hudson Gardens, and some live music in the park. Last weekend the whole family went to Buffalo Bill's Wild West Days and heard the Weary Boys perform. I thought that my appetite would eventually be satiated, but I was wrong. The more I get out and feel a part of the community and dance to live music, the more I want. Mark's gone again this weekend, and I feel a slight bit of desperation in finding something that will help subside this craving. Where's the free outdoor concert? Which museum has a special event I'd like to see?

Part of it may be my lack of a large circle of friends right now. One of my best friends, one who would love to join me in just the sorts of adventures I seek right now, moved back to Pennsylvania. And now that I've just changed jobs for the third time in two years, I'm in the process of building that network of work friends back up again. Being at an outdoor concert sharing the experience of music and dancing and enjoyment helps sustain me right now. And reminds me there are people out there who like to do the same sorts of things I like.

Carter's gotten to an age where he really enjoys going places, too. He just loves new faces and people to whom he can show his new dance moves and tricks. He was enchanted at the Butterfly Pavilion. I get so much joy from just seeing his face light up at new discoveries. He and I have become quite the cultural duo, scouting out local events and sights.

On the other side is Mark who gets anxious about all the people and worries how Carter will fit into the scene. So I am beginning to realize that some of the balance I've been looking for has been in my lap all this time. I just had to recognize it. Now when Mark's out of town or gone with friends doing something fun, I no longer look at it as being stuck at home having to be domestic. It's an opportunity to get out and do something that's not Mark's cup of tea. I finally see the cup as half full. What a world of difference perspective makes.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The weekend in pictures

I know I haven't posted for awhile. Hopefully these pictures will make up for it. I just got a new camera and had fun using it. Here's a photo-sampling of our weekend.

Carter had fun at the park by our house.



Carter and I made blueberry muffins and licked the bowl.


Mark and Carter mowed the lawn. Notice the ear protection.
And the lawn mower seemed to be built with a special bar just at Carter's height!


We went to the Buffalo Bill Wild West days in Golden and heard some great live music.

The Weary Boys.


Monday, July 16, 2007

Did you make a difference today?

What defines success? What makes us valuable? How do we measure our productivity? Having been a teacher for four years, I have measured success by educating a classroom of students for a year and seeing progress. I felt like I was making a valuable contribution to society and knew I had done my job. I could show the improved test results for all my hard work. My time was booked (and overbooked) to the minute, and I always had 10 things to do. I had a very definite schedule to stick to and knew exactly what was expected of me. Being busy meant I had lots of important things to do and what I did mattered to someone.

Not anymore. I am the RtI specialist for the school. A new position for the school and for the district. The person that will be supervising me has not yet been hired. My principal says we're still working through exactly what my job will be. In theory I will help screen primary kids, match interventions with kids below grade level in reading, support the teacher in implementation, analyze data, and help make instructional and programming decisions from there.

That's all well and good, but what do I do today? I don't have a set schedule. I won't be working with kids directly for any length of time. I haven't even met 3/4 of the teachers I'll be supporting, so it's not like we're discussing kids that need support yet.

So how do I know if I'm doing my job? I don't have any clear measure of success. I'm so used to having every minute of my day scheduled, so being able to plan a meeting for any time of day I want, or going to a training without having to write sub plans feels like cheating. Am I really accomplishing anything?

I know that as the school year goes on, I'm guaranteed to feel overwhelmed. I've already had many people tell me to watch out because teachers think I'm here to save them. What they don't know is I'm feeling as clueless as they are, just about different things.

So I continue to report to work every day and sit at my desk and act productive. I've been working on creating a chart detailing the reading interventions we have available so we can quickly refer to it when designing a program for a kid. Is it needed? Who knows. Will my work actually contribute to students' learning and success? I don't know and don't know if I'll ever know.

But, here's the thing: other than not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing, I somehow love my job. I look forward to seeing the people on my team in the morning. I like learning about interventions and how to implement them. I like my little office and the rose-scented lotion I keep at my desk. So maybe that's the success I should be celebrating right now. I am ripe for helping others because I'm in such a good mental place myself. And that's the first step.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

What do YOU want?

I'm reading the book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I'm not very far into it but already love her style of writing and her personal way of connecting to the reader. At one point, when her life is sort of falling apart and she's going through a messy divorce, she begins to appreciate the little "compartments of time and space that were appearing in [her] days, during which [she] could ask [her]self the radical new question: 'What do YOU want to do, Liz?'" She starts out with little things like going to yoga class and buying a new pencil box, but she also ends up living in Italy, obviously a pretty major thing she wants to do.

This little snippet out of the book struck me and has me asking myself the same question. I think I do a pretty good job of not letting time just slip away from me doing chores and errands. We get out and do things quite often. But having a husband and kid make it so easy to want to do what will make everyone happy, what will work best for the group. And that's fine. But I think I need to do a better job about getting those little things I want. Like reading a good book or going to hear some good live music. Things that don't work well for everyone. Things I really have to make an effort to do. And world travel. That's a tough one to get in right now.

On the other side, though, asking myself that question reinforces just how much I already have what I want. I have a family that I love more than the world itself, I have a job that I (hope to) love, and breaks that allow me to spend time with my family and travel locally. I live in a place where I can do the things I love like camp and hike and climb. I don't have any major conflict in my life and have a very strong, wide-spread support network of people that can support me when things go south. So I think life is good. I have most of what I want. I feel full of what I need.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

A day of days

I had one of those days that you want to savor like a smooth, creamy, expensive truffle. A day to roll around in your mouth to taste every little bit of it. Mark, Carter, and I went to southwest Colorado with Laura (my sister) and her friend. I had found a hike online that supposedly went to some unmarked hot springs near a river. Our only directions, other than what trail to take were to "...look for hoofprints in the messy bog beside the river...pools like eight black beads along the shore by an archipelago of stones...."

We weren't sure if we'd find the springs with such vague directions and knowing that they could easily be dried up or flooded by the river. We set out to just enjoy a beautiful hike through the woods. But, sure enough, we came across a messy bog, hoofprints in the mud, and an archipelago of stones. Other than one other group that was leaving as we arrived, we had the place to ourselves. People had built up rocks to form pools, some of which were too hot to even go in. We planted ourselves in one pool with hot water trickling in to a pool also fed by the cool river water, and the contrasting temperatures gave the most refreshing, relaxing sensations. Here we are lounging in the pools.

With no expectations about what we would find, the day exceeded anything we hoped for. That evening we spent the evening going to the local 4th of July carnival with Carter, and his pure delight in going on the big slide and merry-go-round infected all of us. To top it all off, Laura, her friend, and I lounged in the local Pagosa Hot Springs Resort pools, the best (developed) hot springs I've been to. It was a day to remember.

The rest of the trip was great. We also took a 4WD trip through the mountains and over the continental divide. Below is a picture of a ghost town we visited on the drive.

It was great to have some time to spend with Laura in an amazing place before I had to return to work tomorrow. It's been a short but eventful summer with lots of adventure and memories.

More on my new job later.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Home Sweet Home

As a teacher, I know I take summers for granted. I feel I am entitled to the 8 (or more) weeks off each year to recuperate from the past year and have some time to relax. I have never really thought much of all that time off, other than feeling like it helps justify my low salary. This year, however, because I am changing jobs and districts and calendars, I will have exactly one month off, during which we will have taken an extended camping trip, a 10-day visit to Washington, and a trip to Pagosa Springs, CO, returning the day before my new job begins on July 5. Needless to say, it's one of my fuller, shorter summers.

Having just returned from Washington yesterday and knowing we're leaving Saturday, I'm actually really glad I have these few days home to just be with familiarity. I love travelling and deal just fine with packing and unpacking, but it's nice to not be living out of a suitcase or backpack. Inspired by some recent pictures delivered by Kodak, I've actually pulled out some of my scrapbooking stuff to catch up on the past year. I wouldn't have guessed that I'd want to be doing such a labor-intensive, sedentary activity, but I think I need some time to just reflect and sit. A break from planning and packing and going. I think it is being actively still, as oxymoronic as that sounds.

I can tell Carter was ready for a break from travelling too. He has had to adjust to sleeping in four different locations this past month, not an easy task for a little guy just learning to go to sleep on his own. This morning, he also seemed especially interested in some of his toys, like they were long-time friends he hadn't seen in awhile. Even Mark, who always likes to be on the go, appeared to take a little more pleasure in puttering around than he usually does.

I think I'm going to grab I nice big glass of red wine and see if I can get through a few months worth of pictures. Cheers to appreciating a little time at home.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Washington adventures

Mark and I are now in Washington visiting my parents and having a blast. We started out the trip on the boat for a couple days with Carter. A mobile kid really keeps you on your toes when your in 300 feet of water.

You'll notice Carter has a tether attached to his life jacket so he doesn't fall overboard, and the life jacket's a little snug around his cheeks!

Sometimes he'd tolerate it, and other times, the whole apparatus was just a little too much for him.

Carter still thinks he's pretty cool, though. Especially in sunglasses. He put these on himself.

Carter and "Papa" (Carter's name for grandpa) keep up their oral hygiene, even on the boat. Don't want to have bad kissing breath!

Mark and I got some good snuggle time while "mimi" and "papa" took care of Carter.

After our boating adventure (and Carter going green for a short time during some rough water), Mark and I set out for our own trip. We planned a backpack/climbing/mountaineering expedition in the North Cascades National Park while my parents watched Carter. After we got to the ranger station, however, it turned out the road to our trail had washed out, so with 50lb packs we had to hike an additional 2.5 miles each way. The trail was also quite challenging, often having to climb hand over foot because it was so steep. Here's Mark climbing through a tunnel of trees.

The scenery was absolutely gorgeous, though. We saw a black bear, avalanches, and evidence of why it's called the cascades. There are these beautiful waterfalls everywhere. You can see them here in the background.

We got to Boston Basin, sort of the base of our rock climb, to set up camp. I've never slept in such a beautiful setting. It was so pristine and untouched. I felt as if I had found the top of the world where no one else had ever been.

We camped that night pretty near where I'm standing, and woke up to beautiful blue skies and warm weather. But I just couldn't do it. I was so physically worn out, I knew I'd never make it up a jagged peak and then make it all the way down to the car. I'm definitely not in the great shape I used to be in. So we enjoyed our view and then hiked back down. Two days later, I'm still in pain. Meanwhile, Mark's gearing up to climb Mt. Rainier with a friend tomorrow. I'm still working on climbing the stairs.


Anyway, we're having a great trip so far, and I'm looking forward to some quiet time around town with my parents and Carter while Mark's gone. We've talked about going to a lavender farm and an earth sanctuary (some sort of meditative, relaxing place). I think those plans are more my speed considering my aching quads. Hopefully, I'll be up for the long walk through the airport by the time we leave on Monday!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Worth all the effort


We just got back from camping at Buffalo Creek this weekend, and all the planning and hemming and hawing was totally worth it. We even ended up staying an extra night because we were having such an awesome time. It still was pretty "stuff intensive" as you can see in the picture. Definitely not the lightweight backpacker mode of years ago.


We broke down and even bought camp chairs. Carter got a little one just his size, and he loved it.

Winston and Carter loved just playing in the grass. Carter loved to climb into the holes that Winston dug.



We also found some great bike trails that we could take the trailer on. Carter loved watching the scenery go by and would inevitably fall asleep.



We did a lot of just hanging out. My favorite part.




He also helped with some bike maintenance.


Overall, it was a great trip with great weather. Carter loved it and so did we.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

How did it get so complicated?

Mark and I have been talking about going camping with some friends of ours this weekend. We've been camping with them many times before and have gotten pretty good at picking a place and being ready to go within a few hours. We've gotten good at being spontaneous. That is, until kids. They have a 6-week-old, and we have Carter and Winston. This weekend's trip planning went something like this:

Tuesday: Propose trip with maps and book descriptions of climbing route for Dave and Mark and kid-friendly campsites for Kelly, Erin, and kids.

Wednesday: Continue discussion of logistics and how former weekend plans can be rescheduled.

Thursday: 15 calls back and forth regarding weather. Failed attempts at reserving a campsite. Decide that destination is too high in altitude anyway. 15 more calls about other possibilities that are low in altitude and warm, near a 14er with a good snow route, not too far a drive, and not too crowded. Decide the trip isn't worth it. Reconsider. Call back. Finally, Mark and Dave pick a mountain to climb Saturday and then will meet Kelly and Erin at new campsite. Assign cars and passengers.

On the schedule for Friday: Grocery shop, laundry, pack, weld picnic table, shop for camp chairs, pick up bike at the shop.

Somehow, we have taken a four hour process from idea to departure and turned it into a grueling marathon of phone calls, scheduling, and weighing options. I think we'll get better at the whole routine, but it definitely takes practice and experience with a little one. I'll let you know how the trip goes and whether it was all worth it.

Here's a picture of Carter at his first attempt at camping almost a year ago. Hopefully this time will be cleaner, too.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Saving

Everyone has strange little quirks. Little things that make us unique. For example, my aunt doesn't like lots of water, in the sink, for instance. But as easy as it is to see other people's eccentricities, it is all the more difficult to see our own. And then we begin to wonder if we even have any quirks. Maybe we're one of the few normal people out there. But deep down we know there's something. It's just a matter of finding it.

The form of my quirk is slowly beginning to take shape in my mind. I'm beginning to realize I do have that little something that makes me special. I'm a saver of little random things, usually consumables. Mark calls it hoarding. I had never really thought much about it until recently as I've been trying to slowly clean out our house. For example, I have sample Clinique facewash tubes that I've been saving for that perfect trip where I'll need a tube just that size. But I've had the tubes for at least 10 years now. I know because they have an "E" in permanent marker on them, something Laura and I used to do to keep our stuff straight. That was before I went to college. I'm thinking facewash has a pretty long shelf-life, but not that long.

A few weeks ago I was cleaning out a binder to use for work and came across about 10 sheets of notebook paper. Without thinking, I put the paper in a folder and put it back in my desk. The average person would throw it out. But I think of the unneeded trash that I would be creating. The paper's perfectly good. Not wrinkled. Holes in tact. But it's ten sheets of paper. And it's from high school. I know I'm not going to use it any time soon.

What really drives Mark crazy is my need to save food. I'll save three bites of leftover macaroni for that time when I really need a snack and don't feel like fixing anything. Mark tells me it's 10 cents worth of pasta, but that's not the point. It's the effort that went into it and the waste if I threw it out. It finally really hit me when I had put a sippy cup back in the fridge with less than an ounce of milk in it. It's that little bit that can't even be drunk because of how the cup works. Mark asked me why I didn't just put it in the dishwasher. I had no good reason, but I know that in the back of my mind I was thinking, you could just pour some more milk in there later and then that milk wouldn't be wasted.

I wonder where this strange quirk of mine came from. We weren't poor when I was growing up. We had everything we needed and then some. It's this spartan part of my personality that maybe gives me a sense of control and goodness, maybe like when people fast and feel virtuous. Maybe its roots are in my dad's mom who grew up in the depression and tries to make use of everything, and give away the things she can't. She'll often offer me empty nut containers or canned goods that she couldn't make use of. I think how odd that is, and yet, in my own way, I do the same thing.

So one of my recent goals is to let go of those unused and unneeded things. I recently filled a trashcan with old makeup samples and free cosmetic bags that I've never used. And I get a different sense of virtuosity from it. A sense of freedom and pride that I don't need so many material things. Granted, I'm giving up things that I never used in the first place, but it's the letting go that's important. With my cabinets and closets less cluttered, my life also feels more spacious and open. Funny how such little things can make such a difference. I did end up throwing out those 10 sheets of notebook paper.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Natalie's Wedding, NC

This past weekend I went to my first wedding of a friend. I had only really known what the process was like from the inside, hosting my own wedding, so it was fun to be a guest and bridesmaid and see what the process is like. From just this wedding I already have things I wish I would have done differently at my own. Too bad I'll only get married once. Anyway, I got to spend some awesome time with another friend from college, Noelani. We had such a great time reconnecting, and it reminded me that weddings are as much about the people attending the wedding as they are about the people getting married. Below are some pictures from the weekend.

Here we are checking into the hotel. Noelani thought it was the perfect photo op:


The rehearsal dinner. I don't think we look too bad considering we had about 20 minutes from the time we checked in to the hotel to the time we were getting picked up!


In our fairy princess dresses at the end of the night.



I left my camera in NC, so these are all pictures Noelani sent me. Hopefully I'll have some more in a few days when my camera is returned. Stay posted!

P.S. For those of you complaining that you couldn't leave comments without signing in, I've fixed that so anyone can leave a message. Just keep 'em clean!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The little things in life


This weekend Mark was out of town, so it was Carter and I on our own. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but it was supposed to be beautiful weather and I was in a good mood, so I was determined to have fun. And I did. This weekend was not about conquering any major life goals or having major adventures to tell about. It was about enjoying the little things in life. Saturday morning, I put on Raffi (a kid's CD that I listened to when I was little, so I knew all the words) and made cookies. I sang at the top of my lungs, and Carter did his best to follow along. We danced and jumped and twirled in the living room. Between the singing and the dancing, we made and ate chocolate chip cookie dough. You would have thought we won the lottery at 6:30am this Saturday. We were the two happiest souls in that living room. Here's a picture of Carter getting his first taste of cookie dough.

We also had lots of people over to eat, something I enjoy doing when I have the time to prepare and have a clean house. We had "the grandmas" over for lunch on Saturday, and we had a lovely time eating out on the deck. It made me proud to be able to have them over in my house on the deck Mark built with the little boy I'm raising. One of my best friends, Amy, also came over for one of the last times because she is moving to PA. Carter even gave us the gift of taking a two hour nap so she and I could have some time to talk. Lastly, we had our friends Dave and Kelly over tonight for dinner, and they have a new baby. After dinner I had a chance to hold Wyatt, and as soon as he was in my arms, Carter broke down. I've never seen him show jealousy before, but it was as clear as if he said it. It made me wonder what it will be like to eventually have a second kid. Not easy, I'm thinking.

Since Amy finally showed me how to post pictures, I have a few other precious ones to share with you. They show some of those little things in life not to take for granted. Mark may not approve of one (I'm sure you can guess which) but it's just too cute to keep to myself.

This is Mark teaching Carter just how fun sitting on the toilet can be if you've got something good to read.


Mark and Carter fiddling with the grill.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

A time to...

Warning: The following is highly philosophical and full of relationship-speak. Do not read if in search of light-hearted humor.

On our "hot date" at the Breckenridge Brewery last night, Mark and I had quite a deep conversation, during which we began discussing the dynamics of relationships and how people's personalities can be influenced by them. Being the teachers we are, Mark came up with the graphic organizer of a Venn Diagram, and I jumped right on board. Basically, we concluded that people have many characteristics that show themselves at one time or another, and we highlight those based on our current circumstances. For example, when we are dating, we highlight the ones we have in common with the other person, the overlapping part of our circles in our Venn Diagram. We feel so in sync and like-minded with the other person. It's not faking who we are; it truly is a matter of emphasizing certain traits.

However, we can't ignore all those other traits that make us up. Stress, life changes, or a new environment might coax out those other characteristics. Let me tell you, an addition to the family certainly does. Necessity of domesticity when having a baby forces my organized, on-task, schedule-loving self out of hiding and to the forefront of my personality. My free-spirited, LNT, let's-be-spontaneous self gets shoved to the bottom of the bag. That self hasn't left completely, but it's definitely not in the spotlight.

So, after all that philosophizing, venn diagram drawing, and analyzing, what's the point? The point is, how do we maintain relationships based on common traits when the common traits aren't highlighted by our current situation? As Mark and I have talked about, it's not the things we do that we have in common; those are just our avenues to whatever makes us click. So how do we find new avenues to those same ends? That's the question, I guess. Not just for us, but for everyone in a relationship, whether it be friendly, familial, or romantic. When life changes, how do we change to maintain what we have, but in a new way?

Let me know if you've found the magical solution.

This song kept running through my head as I was writing. Maybe the answer's in there somewhere.

To every thing, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Friday, May 11, 2007

Dust dust, sweep sweep

Today is a pensive day. I spend much of Friday at work getting lessons ready for the next week. I have lots of time at my desk to be productive, but the most productive thing I seem to do is think. After the tornado of a week I've had, I tend to drift into reflection. I open my computer to write a lesson and find myself posting here. It's becoming my therapy, my confessional. It feels like house-cleaning for my spirit. Recording my soul's struggles feels like dropping off a big load of stuff to Goodwill. It leaves me with more space and a twinge of virtuosity.

One of my favorite authors of the moment is Anne LaMott. She has written a variety of books, but my favorite work of hers is autobiographical. She is so honest and true to herself. She speaks of the dark parts of herself that I would be afraid to let anyone see. I saw her speak at a local bookstore recently, and I wondered how she doesn't just blush with the knowledge that everyone in the room knows about her (not-so-)secrets. It gives me courage to at least want to do the same. I'm not ready yet, but maybe one day. I try to justify it by thinking that it would be easier in a book when it's all lumped together, not strung out paragraph by paragraph in multiple entries.

Thoughts on marriage is one of those things I need to clean out of my soul closet. I think there is still this antiquated mentality that what goes on in your marriage should stay between the two of you. Admitting it's hard or that you have to work at it or that it not all daisies and roses is a sign of failure. Any sort of complaint is registered with the gossip police as "they're having problems," not, "they're totally normal and there's no news to report." Mark and I are fine. Fine as any other normal couple out there, but that doesn't mean there aren't hard parts.

For instance, I thought it was hard trying to share responsibilities with my sister when we were growing up. We'd fight over who had to clean the bathroom and whose turn it was to feed the dog. That was nothing. We had the higher powers of mom and dad to step in and mediate. They told us who had to do what and what would happen if we didn't. We'd fight about it and then it'd be over. Now there's none of that. Couples have to act all grown up and civilized. There's no one around telling us we'll lose TV for the week if we don't do our chores. We have no other motivator but ourselves to share the load and get things done. Because Mark and I don't see eye to eye on what chores are important to do when, we are constantly compromising and trying to accommodate the other person. Sometimes I just want to be four again and stomp my foot and throw a temper tantrum. Maybe we need to just call each other "poopy faces" and be done with it.

Another ponderance deep down is parenting. Of course you hear a million times that being a mom is the hardest thing you'll ever do. And yes, that's true, but not one bit in the way I thought it would be. I really don't mind the diaper changing and financial burden. I've felt pretty confident with decisions I've made that will affect Carter long-term like discipine and day care. The hard part is to not forget that part of myself that existed before Carter and before marriage. The responsibilities of home and husband and kid seem to push away that carefree part of me. I have always been great at making lists, being organized, getting things done. Being spontaneous and impulsive fit in the spaces between. But with more "grown-uppy" stuff in my life, that little kid's voice inside me gets harder to hear. I notice I have to make more of an effort to listen to that quiet, innocent voice. What came so naturally before requires more mindful attention and effort. It's finding that balance between enjoying the moment and and not feeling like my life is out of control (a messy house can do that to me.)

I think that might be enough mental house-cleaning for now. It wasn't anything major, certainly not a metaphorical couch or desk, just a few knick-knacks here and there that needed to be taken to Goodwill. Maybe it's one step farther in being true to myself and getting to know who I am as I evolve with life. I think I feel a little better now.

The Roller Coaster

For the past week, Mark and I have been riding the house-hunting roller coaster. Sunday morning we innocently decided to take Winston and Carter for a walk in the woods near where we used to live. It's an area we love and would love to move back to, but there's never anything for sale, much less in our price range. Well, we just happened to drive by a great house right on the creek that was for sale. Even though we thought it would be way out of our price range, we thought we'd just call to see. Our former realtor answered and even recognized us. The house was much lower priced than we thought, so we set up a showing for that afternoon. And we fell in love with the place. It seemed so serendipitous that it was meant to be.

And that's when we boarded the roller coaster. We began talking about making an offer, then found out someone already had and were in the process of going under contract. Then the contract fell through but we found out about foundation problems. During all of this, Mark and I are trying to learn about how to sell our house while under contract with another house. An "offer with a contingency" entered our vocabulary. We learned about bridge loans and first right of refusal. We had a comparative analysis done to estimate what we could get for our house and became fluent in using the mortgage calculator. We crunched numbers and tried to figure out what our income would be when I start my new job. And we worked on scheduling showings at other comparably priced properties in the area. Did I mention this was all done over three days? With full-time jobs and a toddler? Oh, and WInston got sprayed by a skunk on Wednesday.

So, after all that, we finally decided it was too much of a risk too far out of our price range with too little information. After feeling like the house was slipping through our fingers as other people were preparing to make offers, we finally let it go. It was sad to feel like we were giving up an opportunity that wouldn't come along again, but a bit of a relief to not wonder whether we were rushing in too fast without all the facts.

But of course, now that we've started the process, it's hard to stop. I already have another house I want to look at and have begun thinking about what we need to do our house to get it ready to show. But I think we'd both like to wait until we know what my salary will be (kind of an important unknown) and know we'll be in town for awhile (we're out of town for what feels like most of June). We'll see. I think we've stepped off the roller coaster for now, but we're already in line to ride it again soon.

Friday, May 4, 2007

beyond climbing

Mark and I are coming to the realization that dragging Carter along on everything we want to do may make us not want to do it. For example, we've tried taking Carter with us to celebratory dinners at semi-nice restaurants. After chasing Carter around the place and doing everything we can to get three bites in our mouths before Carter's bored, we end up wishing we could have done drive-through at McDonald's. Climbing, to some extent, has become one of those instances.

The great thing about rock climbing is you pretend you're exercising and doing something hardcore, when really you're just going to lounge in the sun with friends and maybe climb a route or two every once in awhile. Bringing a baby along on an outing like that totally changes it. It's like taking a field trip through a war zone. There are ropes to trip on, pebbles to slip on, and cacti to sit on. It's not quite the relaxing trip you originally set out for. Again, you begin to dream of McDonald's and that great kid-proof playland they've got.

Not having a ton of people to go out climbing with on my own, I went on Craigslist, the resource for absolutely everything, and found a girl who had posted looking for people to climb with. On Thursday after work I met her and some of her friends in Golden (a local sport-climbing mecca). It was great. I had no responsibility other than the climber on the other end of my rope. I climbes some hard routes I've never tried before. I talked with some people who are going mountaineering in Peru next month. We discussed the financial and social situation in Venezuela. I learned about a non-profit organization that helps employ people with barriers.

I'm learning that I really have a need to be around new people who expose me to new ideas and who do not already know everything about me. Of course I wouldn't trade my family and good friends for anything, but a little change every once in awhile is a good thing. It makes me appreciate what I have and also piques my interest about things I had never thought about before. I don't think Mark and I have resigned ourselves to spending every date at McDonald's with Carter, but I'm glad I've found a way to do some carefree climbing. It lifts my spirit.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

A breath of fresh air

This weekend was absolutely gorgeous...record-breaking temperatures, colorado blue skies, the first great weekend of the season. Mark and I made all sorts of plans earlier in the week to take advantage of the weather. And then Carter came home sick on Friday. Full out sick with a fever of 103.5, runny nose, looking miserable. So Mark and I had to take a deep breath and revise our weekend plans.

Since we had bought a bike trailer for Carter earlier in the week, we decided to take Saturday to pull together the biking project. Mark's new bike with fancy disc brakes wouldn't accommodate the trailer attachment, so Mark took some time to weld together a modification (which works beautifully, I might add). Mark refused to be seen with me on my bike that has been vandalized with white paint, white lightning he calls it, so we also fixed up Mark's old bike for me to ride, complete with new seat, handle grips, and tire. We did have a bit of a debate over pedals...$9 plastic ones or $40 metal ones...I never even knew there was a difference and was happy with plastic, but Mark felt there was no reason to skimp. We compromised by putting on my pedals from my other bike until I found some clip-in cycling shoes.

By about 5pm the project was done and we were ready to roll. With Carter in his trailer attached to Mark's bike, and I on my new and improved set of wheels, we were off. (Winston flipped us off from the front window, saying not only have we taken away his backyard, now we're not even taking him with us on our outdoor adventures. We may as well put a gun to his head.)

We turned our tires toward Bear Creek Lake Park, a beautiful Open Space/Park just over the hill from us. It was about 75 degrees and that beautiful time of night where the sun's rays are partly blocked by the mountains, so the light's a bit softer. The faint breeze and smooth-riding cart gently swayed sick Carter to sleep. Mark and I relished in finally getting outside TOGETHER without having to constantly worry whether Carter had found some nightshade to eat or a mountain lion to play with.

We tentatively rode past the turn-off we had agreed to take if Carter hated the whole thing and set our sights on Willy's Wings. We made it all the way there without a single snafu and spent much of the ride concluding that the bike trailer had solved most of the world's problems...or at least our problem trying to get outside together with Carter in tow.

It was one of those delicious moments in life where you feel like something from above is shining down on you and giving you a chance to regain that belief that life is good. Mark and I actually got to eat a meal without chasing Carter (one of the few benefits of a sick kid--he's content to just sit in your lap and be) and just enjoy the scenery. I felt like every breath rejuvenated me and gave me one more ounce of energy to deal with what life throws at you. It was an evening to remember.

Friday, April 27, 2007

The knitter

My current job is to help teachers transition through the changes in the special education laws and to support students who are below grade level. From what I've seen at this school, everyone works pretty hard. People stay late, everyone participates in school activities, in general people just look busy. That is, except the knitter.

Since I came to the school mid-year, I work on a section of a long strip of desks occupied by myself, two other teacher's assistants, and a Title One (poor school support) teacher. The knitter is the Title I teacher who sits next to me. She's a rounder woman in her late 50's with an expression that makes you want to offer her some stool softener. Officially, her posted schedule looks very full and busy. To the untrained eye, it would appear that she works with multitudes of students with a few prep times blocked in. Um hmm. Well, in reality her times with groups are quite often cut short because "it's a good stopping point" or the student seems "a little off task and unproductive". And her prep times? Her teaching includes setting students up on the computer or teaching from a very perscriptive program. There is no preparation needed.

So my desk neighbor spends her days knitting. She puts on her reading glasses, pulls out her latest project, and knits. She's finished an entire sweater this week. No joke. One day, her supervisor was here and asked the knitter to look over something he was writing. As she sat there knitting, she told him it was her break time, and she doesn't let other people make her work during that time; it would never make a difference to anyone anyway. The supervisor just sat there with the most flabbergasted look on her face.

So as kids fall further and further behind in school (and come to me for help), she knits. She knits scarves, gloves, sweaters, hats and who knows what else. Maybe her knitting will eventually make it to one of the kids she should be helping. Maybe in some homeless shelter an undereducated guy who used to go to this school will be given a hand-knit hat and be kept warm. He'll probably be thankful to have it, never knowing the irony.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Who runs this house anyway?

This past weekend Mark and I took the daring domestic leap of deciding to reseed our backyard in attempts to turn our mudpit/dustbowl into something that resembles the lush green carpet on the fertilizer bag. After unsuccessfully attempting to kill our field of weeds, Mark rented an aerator and was dragged all over the yard by the machine with a mind of its own. He then spread the seed and fertilizer, and gave the whole thing a final coat of peat moss. Then we watered the hell out of it.

Besides having to constantly water, you'd think such a project wouldn't have much of an impact on our daily life. That's where you're wrong. See, we have our dog Winston who thinks the backyard is his domain. But we know he'll destroy all of our painstaking work if we let him out to patrol. So we tie him to a tree in the front when he needs to go outside. He doesn't get it. He goes outside, looks around, wants to come back in, and makes a beeline for the back door to show us what he really wants. He whines and whines, not understanding why he can't go out. Monday we were finally able to calm him down by taking a walk. He did pretty well after that.

Tuesday was a different story. Colorado is a pretty fickle weather state in spring, so those mountains decided to send us buckets and buckets of rain Tuesday. Great for the growing grass, not so great for the dog. Winston didn't want to go outside and pee in the front because it was raining and he hates to get wet. After finally forcing him outside because we were so sick of the whining, Mark and I made several attempts at putting Carter to sleep (more on that in another posting) and finally got him down.

We let Winston back in the house and were reminded just how wound up he gets when he's wet. He covered us with wet dog spray. Then he ran laps around the living room, setting off half of Carter's toys with lights and music, and created an all-out ruckus. Between the disaster of a backyard, Carter who has us wrapped around his adorable pudgy finger, and the crazed dog, Mark and I looked at each other and asked, "Who runs this house anyway?"

What's a blog?

Less than a year ago I remember reading in Newsweek something about blogs they recommended, and I thought, "What's a blog?" Well, I finally found out that it's a weblog but then wondered, "What's the point? Who really sits around reading other people's blogs? And who thinks their life is important enough that other people will read their musings and misadventures?"

But I find myself reading my good friend Amy's blog quite often. I look forward to her learning about her latest trips and how much fun moving isn't. Today I even clicked on some of her links and started reading the blog of one of her friends, a girl I've met a few times but don't really know on any intimate basis. And then it started to click. Who reads blogs? I do. Whose life is worth reading about? Everyones, maybe even mine.

So, with a fear of commitment, I begin my first blog entry (if that's what it's even called.) Will I really be able to keep up with it? What if I quit? I'm already afraid of my writing not being good enough, of my topics being boring, but most of all, of it becoming something that will creep onto my to-do list. And I do not need anything more on that list of endless tasks. But I'm willing to take the oh-so-mighty risk of beginning to blog.

Can blog be used as a verb? Maybe I'm not ready. I don't even know how to use the word.