Cultivating

(Carter and me, taking some time to just be. Olympic Peninsula, WA)

In reading this post, it brought to light for me how much I treasure the little vegetable garden I planted a couple weeks ago. It's something I've been planning since last summer. I began with little idea of what I wanted to include and then where I might be able to find a home for it in our yard. A place not too big, with just the right amount of light, and where Winston wouldn't be running through it. I actually built the border, a row of partially buried bricks, last fall, and had a sketched drawing of where each plant would live in my little 8' x 8' square of life. As soon as I knew the danger of frost was gone, (late May at our house), I dug up all the weeds, filled our jeep with planting soil, and hoed the dirt.

The next day I took a cherished trip to the gardening store alone and just walked up and down the aisles breathing in the fragrant-fresh smell of the nursery. I loaded my cart with herbs and a few sprouted plants, and carefully picked my seed packets (do I want big max or autumn glory pumpkins?). I returned to my patch of earth and tenderly planted my crop. It didn't take long, Shorter than Mark's trip with Carter to the hardware store, but I had sown my seeds and was filled with a sense of satisfaction and anticipation.

Having two young children and full time job often leaves me feeling like I spend most of my time and energy meeting the needs of others. And making sure I have sleep and food and the basics is for the purpose of being ready to serve others again. But not my garden. It is my own 64 square feet that I can do what I want with. My energy put into it is for no purpose but my own. If all the plants die or flourish, I'm the only one who will care, and right now that is good.

I look forward to the fruits and vegetables I will have over the next few months, but it's really more about the journey. It's a few minutes a day Carter and I spend together watering (he loves the shower head on the hose), and it's a few minutes a day where I am solely focused on the signs of life. It's my little zen garden where I can take a few minutes for myself to cultivate.

Weathering the Storm

(Carter and Cameron enjoying lunch on Mimi and Papa's boat)

Wow. It's been awhile. As my last post alluded to, there's a lot going on right now, and much of it I'm still muddling through. But the clouds are beginning to part. I can feel a sense of burden lifted from my shoulders. The waters are calming and it's beginning to feel easier to swim. For one, the kids are getting older. I can sit for almost five minutes on occasion and not have a single demand asked of me. Not often, but enough to make a difference. Another reason, summer's coming. I can open the doors and windows and get some fresh air, have some space, let Carter play outside and entertain himself with the grass and bugs and sandbox. Work is busy as ever, but the end is in sight. Three weeks left. And I've started climbing again and am beginning to be reminded of who I am other than Mom and Wife. I have goals that are just mine and can only be accomplished by me.

It's amazing how feeling in control and happy and content with one part of my life spreads and is contagious with the other parts of me. It's the snowball effect. The best kind of snowball there is. I can feel my infectious smile touching my kids and Mark. As I am more fulfilled, I have more to give, which naturally leads to others giving back. I can feel my life's investments giving great returns.

It's not all smooth sailing. Cameron's teething and Carter just threw a notable I'm-too-tired-to-not-cry-and-scream-and-kick tantrum this afternoon. But I have more within me to get through it and move on. As I sit here in the early evening sunshine and watch Mark and Carter mow the lawn together, my heart is full.

I think I've come out of this last storm without too many lasting bumps and bruises. Hopefully just some great swimming experience to help me get through the next one.