Did you make a difference today?

What defines success? What makes us valuable? How do we measure our productivity? Having been a teacher for four years, I have measured success by educating a classroom of students for a year and seeing progress. I felt like I was making a valuable contribution to society and knew I had done my job. I could show the improved test results for all my hard work. My time was booked (and overbooked) to the minute, and I always had 10 things to do. I had a very definite schedule to stick to and knew exactly what was expected of me. Being busy meant I had lots of important things to do and what I did mattered to someone.

Not anymore. I am the RtI specialist for the school. A new position for the school and for the district. The person that will be supervising me has not yet been hired. My principal says we're still working through exactly what my job will be. In theory I will help screen primary kids, match interventions with kids below grade level in reading, support the teacher in implementation, analyze data, and help make instructional and programming decisions from there.

That's all well and good, but what do I do today? I don't have a set schedule. I won't be working with kids directly for any length of time. I haven't even met 3/4 of the teachers I'll be supporting, so it's not like we're discussing kids that need support yet.

So how do I know if I'm doing my job? I don't have any clear measure of success. I'm so used to having every minute of my day scheduled, so being able to plan a meeting for any time of day I want, or going to a training without having to write sub plans feels like cheating. Am I really accomplishing anything?

I know that as the school year goes on, I'm guaranteed to feel overwhelmed. I've already had many people tell me to watch out because teachers think I'm here to save them. What they don't know is I'm feeling as clueless as they are, just about different things.

So I continue to report to work every day and sit at my desk and act productive. I've been working on creating a chart detailing the reading interventions we have available so we can quickly refer to it when designing a program for a kid. Is it needed? Who knows. Will my work actually contribute to students' learning and success? I don't know and don't know if I'll ever know.

But, here's the thing: other than not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing, I somehow love my job. I look forward to seeing the people on my team in the morning. I like learning about interventions and how to implement them. I like my little office and the rose-scented lotion I keep at my desk. So maybe that's the success I should be celebrating right now. I am ripe for helping others because I'm in such a good mental place myself. And that's the first step.