Blissful

9 months ago in Washington near Mt. Baker--Another day of bliss

Remember my last post about my internal schizophrenia? Right now, I'm having a moment of pure fulfillment. Today I woke up to a day forecasted to be 50 degrees with cloudless skies. I met a friend and we went snowshoeing in sparkling snow among beautiful evergreens under a deep blue sky.

Fast forward four hours, and I've just finished a luxurious bath and have had some time to read a thought-provoking book while smelling ribs in the slow cooker that Mark made. The kids sleep quietly in their room. I look around me and feel the bounty in this life I live. I feel almost gluttonous for enjoying such a self-indulgent day.

It's days like this that make me thankful for how fortunate I am. I find joy in the smallest details of life, and the snowball effect occurs; the more I appreciate, the more I notice, and the more I see, the more I am in awe of all I do have in my life.

May you find a moment to be thankful for those small things that make your life great.

Wordless

Icicles in Rocky Mountain National Park

Reading this post, I felt a moment of courage to be as honest, as open. Although my current feelings of being pulled in two directions stem from very different reasons than Jen's, I was somehow comforted by the feeling of a kindred spirit out there. Right now I feel I am living a life of dichotomous emotions. A sort of internal schizophrenia that leaves me exhausted. One moment I feel full to the brim with blessings, and the next I am empty and parched.

I am so muddled right now that I have no words to explain for others. Unlike times when I feel wronged and am eager to relay my story and rally support, now I find myself quiet and reluctant to seek solace in friends. This process is so different from other times in my life, it is so very internal and personal.

What I do know is I have fortitude. I can endure and prevail stronger than I started. I am in the fog with little direction, but I have the resources to find my way out. As with any journey, I remind myself to rely on patience, intuition, experience. Breathe and go slow.

I attempt in writing this to gain strength in honesty and sharing. Reality can seem less harsh once it is out there, and the universe doesn't come crashing down. Perhaps I can help another person out there not feel so alone.