Secrets

Have you heard of PostSecret? It started out as a guy's project, and has evolved into a few books, a website, and videos, all of people's secrets. The basic idea is for people to write their secrets on a postcard (usually accompanied by some form of artwork) and send it to this guy who then publishes much of what he receives. I find something so intriguing about the whole thing. Every Sunday new secrets are posted on the website, and I can't wait to see the new postcards. It somehow feels voyeuristic and liberating and comforting, all at the same time. For me I think part of the attraction is reading others' secrets and knowing I don't have half as much I'm holding in. The other part is that many of their secrets are my secrets, and it's somehow reassuring to feel like other people think the same things I do, if only in secret.

As much as I think we all try to be true to ourselves and honest with others, there's always a small little piece of us that we shield, protect, and hide from the outside world with the fear that others will judge us because of it. Recently I have made an effort to be especially truthful and forthright with what I'm thinking and what I believe, without editing due to the potential reaction of others. In my postings on here I've tried to express my true feelings and thoughts to the extent that I can without infringing on others' right to privacy (mainly Mark's).

But I know deep down that there are many things I think and feel that never get expressed, even to myself. Things that I don't even write in my private diary out of fear that writing them will make them real, and that when I die, people will read my diary and gasp. Isn't that silly? It's just ink on paper, words on a page. And yet, that can have so much power, enough to prevent me from writing.

Experience has taught me that almost always secrets and deep-down thoughts sound worse in my head than they do aloud, and that people are much more forgiving than I give them credit for. Expressing those thoughts rarely is regretted, and is usually quite liberating, but I still have a clear boundary of what I am willing to say, willing to write, willing to admit to. So for now, I will enjoy my guilty pleasure of reading other people's secrets and know I'm not the only one out there with thoughts that remain secrets.