Your gut

We have been struggling with the childcare issues for six months now. The week before Cameron was born, our daycare lady, whom we love, told us she was going to start searching for a nursing position and would stop doing daycare as soon as she found a new job. I spent the four months of maternity leave and summer searching for the right person. I didn't have certain criteria or unreasonably high expectations. Just someone that would care for our children and give them the love we could not while we were working. A place that would stimulate them and support their needs.

We finally found a woman we'll call "Julie" a couple weeks into August and started with her by the end of September. The first day I dropped off the kids at her house, I was a bit anxious and just kept telling myself that I was having a hard time with the transition. As days went on, when people would ask how things were going with Julie, I would tell them everything was fine, but we don't love her like we did the last person. I found myself questioning what Julie was telling me about the kids and wondering if there was more she wasn't saying. Mark and I both didn't have a great feeling but couldn't put our finger on why.

Two weeks into it, Carter made some comments that, along with other things we knew, basically indicated that Cameron had been taken to another person's house while Carter had gone somewhere with Julie. Yes, he's only two years old, but all the details fit together and it seemed plausible that had actually happened. Between our icky gut feelings and this new piece of information, Mark and I felt like we couldn't stay another day with Julie.

We told her we wouldn't be returning and headed back to the drawing board to start another search for childcare. I was discouraged and disheartened, wondering if we would ever find someone else.

Within three days we interviewed someone we liked. She was right around the corner from my school and had a great setup. Today is day four with her, and the kids seem happy. I have no reservations in the mornings about dropping them off and don't wonder whether there's something she's not telling me. I can breathe easy.

Other than the final bit of information Carter gave us about Julie, we didn't really have a concrete reason to leave. Something just wasn't right. We wondered whether it was right to leave her with no "good" reason, but then realized that following our instincts really is the best reason of all.

Our current person doesn't do anything notably different than Julie or have incredibly better qualifications. There's just that sense we have that our kids are happy. They're well-cared for and loved while we aren't there.

Putting my own kids in daycare is one of the hardest things I've done, and finding the right person makes it or breaks it. It is such a leap of faith to leave them with someone and know it is the best thing for them. But now my head is clear. I think we've found our provider.

This interview is what got me thinking about just how important our gut feelings are.