Halloween

Tonight was Carter's first Halloween that counts. But the story starts yesterday when I pulled out Carter's Hershey Kiss costume from last year to try on him before he had to wear it at daycare today. Well, as soon as he saw it, he was quite opposed to the idea. I tried just putting it on him to see if he'd tolerate it once he was wearing it, but no. He was going to have nothing to do with being a Hershey Kiss. So after Carter went to bed and Mark came home, I ran to the stores at closing time, frantic to find a costume he might wear. Babies R Us had one lone pumpkin costume, size 6-9 months, and I knew right away that wouldn't work. I ran into a woman eyeing the same costume, and she said she'd been all over town, and that no one had anything. I hung my head, crossed my fingers, and headed to Target.

Target had about 3 different costumes in a slim picking of sizes, but I happened to find a size 3T dragon costume that looked pretty comfortable and wearable. It also looked decently warm with layering possibilities, an important consideration since it was supposed to be in the 40's for Halloween. I bought it and hoped that Carter would consider it. The next morning I waited as long as possible to put it on him, and minutes before we had to leave for daycare, the first place he had to don the outfit, I pulled out the green dragon suit and made Carter think it was the most exciting piece of clothing he'd ever seen. It was love at first sight. He was drawn to the big red spots and couldn't wait to do up the zipper. He even left the hood on. Crisis averted.

This evening I was as excited about Halloween as I've ever been. After insisting everyone eat a good dinner, we headed out at 5:30 or so, ready to get some candy. Knowing Carter's love of chocolate and sweets, neither Mark and I were sure how far we'd get, and guessed Carter would probably eat all the candy he collected before we even got home. We didn't even bring a bag to collect the candy in. We set out and found only one house with a light on, and it was way down the street. We had jumped the gun a bit. So we turned around and killed some time before heading out a little more than an hour later. There were a few more lights on.

We went to the first house, rang the doorbell, and said trick or treat to the woman who opened the door. Carter tried to go in the house, and when she just offered a bowl of candy, Carter was quite confused. He didn't understand why we weren't going inside, and what was he supposed to do with a whole bowl of candy? We finally got him to take one piece and say thank you. He did want to eat it, so we gave him a bite and moved onto the next house.

By the fourth house, Carter had Halloween figured out, and he loved the idea. He would look to see if their porch light was on, run to the door and look for the doorbell, ring it as many times as he could before I pulled him away, and then wait with anticipation. He'd grab one or two pieces of candy, give his winning Carter smile, say thank you, and gallop (yes, gallop, a new trick of his) back to the sidewalk. He'd run to the wagon we had brought, throw his candy in as he ran by, and head to the next house. He loved every bit of it. He loved the Jack-O-Lanterns and would peek inside every one he saw. He loved the flashing lights people had set up in their yards. He loved meeting so many new faces. He probably couldn't have cared less about the candy part, other than he loved picking out what he wanted from the bowl.

When the night was finally over, he came in our house, and before doing anything else, he climbed up to the kitchen table and wanted to eat some more macaroni and cheese for dinner. Other than the one bite of candy he had at the first house, he's candy-free. All the worrying I did about how to limit his sugar intake and how I was going to get him to bed tonight, and here he just wants to eat more mac n' cheese. I'm not complaining.

I must say, this has been my favorite Halloween. I was never a big one for dressing up and going out when I was younger, so Halloween was never a big holiday on my list. But seeing Carter in his adorable dragon costume loving every little bit of Halloween, from the lights to the people, to the doorbell, I have found a new love for it. I'm already looking forward to next year.

Below are some pictures of Carter in his costume.

Carter's Birthday Present

Carter's birthday is one week from today, and I have yet to buy him a present. I was sitting here thinking, how horrible a mother am I? I don't even care enough about my son's birthday to think of a gift, much less buy anything. But I realize that's not the case. Carter is fortunate enough to have grandparents and aunts and uncles that love him so much and want to shower him with whatever toys he might want. We as his parents are lucky enough to be able to provide the basics for him so that he doesn't want for simple things like clothes, good food, and a space of his own.

What I have realized is that it's not that I don't care enough to give him gifts, it's that the gifts that I want to give him are not things you can buy in the store. If I had a wishing well, I would wish the following for Carter for his birthday:

1. Know he is loved
2. Believe he can achieve anything in this world
3. Experience joy every day
4. Feel safe and trusting of everyone he depends on
5. See or do something new every day
6. Be full of wonder about the world we live in
7. Feel passion for life and what he chooses to do with it
8. Never want for life's basic needs
   

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wrap those sorts of things up and give them to our children to open? I only hope that in some little way I'm able to give these things to him each day.

catching up

As many of you may have noticed, I have not written in awhile, and it's not for lack of things to talk about. It's more that life is so busy I have not had time to record and reflect. The biggest news, which many of you already know, is that I'm pregnant. Yep, due May 7. Perfect timing, too, because I'll have six weeks of maternity leave and then 7-8 weeks of summer before having to go back to work in August. What can I say? Mark and I are pretty good at timing. Anyway, so I've had quite the dose of morning sickness that, as soon as I begin to think is tapering off, returns full force. I'm also so tired that I have a hard time making it to 9:00 before going to bed. Between a husband, dog, 2-year-old son, a baby on the way, and a full-time job, I'm sure you can imagine what state our house is in.

But we've been having fun, too. Last week for fall break Mark's family came out and we drove to Moab, Utah and met up with my family. We saw some beautiful sights in Arches National Park, did some hiking, and some of us got to go canyoneering. It was also a great time for both sets of parents to be together since that hadn't happened since our wedding. Mark and I even had a night to ourselves because Carter had a sleepover with my parents. It was a treat.

In my free time I'm trying to get in as much climbing as I can because I know the time is rapidly approaching when I'll have to take a break from the sport for a few months. There have also been trips to the park since we've been having such beautiful fall weather, and lots of backyard playtime.

We're beginning to think about getting our house ready to sell in the spring since the bedroom layout isn't great for two kids. We're planning on taking off the wallpaper in the entire downstairs and then repainting, and also replacing the kitchen floor. We'll see how that looks and then go from there. Mark has some other grandiose plans, but I'd rather leave the house just presentable and do improvements on the next house. We're hoping to move up the hill somewhere near where we used to live, if you're familiar with our cabins. We want to still be commuting distance from my job because I really love what I do, and it's the only position of it's kind I know of.

I think that's a quick synopsis of what's going on here, and when I can, I'll write. Maybe I'll begin to have more energy second trimester and I won't feel like I'm living for bedtime. Hopefully, I won't go as long without writing, though, because I really do miss it for my own personal reflection and musing. Don't give up on me yet.

my own little fireworks show

As I was getting ready for bed tonight, I filled up Winston's water bowl and happened to look out the window. Something caught my eye. Our house sits up on a hill, so we can see for quite a few miles, and it happened that somewhere in the area, there was a terrific fireworks display. I had a great, unobstructed view and just stood and watched. There's something so beautiful and indescribable about fireworks. And I got to thinking, that's what it's like to love your own child.

Everyone can tell you how great it is, how you'll be so amazed and changed and humbled, but it's really not something that can be described. People will sometimes ask me to tell them a funny story about what Carter's up to lately, and I try, but I know it never comes close to the actual experience. We recently got Carter a little grocery cart, and he absolutely loves the thing. He'll go around the house gathering up toys, his blanket, a cup of milk, anything, and pushes everything around in his grocery cart. It makes me giggle every time I see it. But, do you see? Telling the story makes it sound like such a non-event, something not even worth mentioning.

Here's another one: Carter likes to stay in the car in the garage after we come home, and he just climbs over the seats and pushes lots of buttons. I make sure to check on him every couple minutes, so tonight when he was playing around and I was peeking in, he accidentally leaned really hard on the horn and totally scared himself. He immediately dropped down into the driver's seat and looked around, trying to figure out what had happened, and seeing whether anyone was coming to tell him he was in trouble. I just stayed still with my head peaked in, and when he finally saw me, he smiled and sighed with relief, saying, "Beep, beep!" Again, a mediocre story, but the love I felt for him at that moment was overwhelming. He has so much curiosity, independence, and just plain-old cuteness that just makes me melt inside.

He's my little impromptu display of fireworks. I never know when he's going to put on a show that's going to leave me in awe and full of love and wonder, but I know the feeling I have will never be justified by description or explanation.

All in the Family

Over Labor Day weekend I was in the wedding of one of my best friends, Nicole, from high school. Another good friend from childhood, Evie, was there as well, and the three of us enjoyed the festivities and hung out most of the weekend. I loved spending time with great friends and having some time to sleep in or just be. Other than my bridesmaidly duties, I had very few responsibilities and was able to just relax . . . sort of.

This trip was the longest time I have been away from Carter, and I was expecting it to be a welcome break from changing diapers and waking up at the crack of dawn. And it was. But I really and truly missed my family. Much more than I had expected. This trip made it clear to me who my family is now.

I think we all go through different phases of life and different people become a part of our immediate family. Early childhood, of course is, for most people, our parents and siblings. But middle school and high school it begins to shift to our circle of friends, those people with whom we share our most intimate secrets and the minutae of our lives. Going off to college signifies another change in family, a change to our roommates and classmates whom we live with and study near.

After I moved away from all the people that had constituted family up until a few years ago, my family became a hodge-podge of people, a mixture of all the family from my past: parents, sister, high school and college friends; and then Mark. Now that Mark and I are married and have our own child, my new family has solidified itself for now. It is very clearly Mark and Carter (and Winston). They are the ones I share my daily life with and miss if I'm away for more than a day or so. My life is inextricably linked to theirs, and the line between each of us is blurred.

In no way does my new family take away from everyone that's been a part of my family, but the direction my heartstrings pull is different. No longer do I feel lost without my circle of friends; I need them, but in a different way. The wedding weekend made me realize how important my current family is, and that a part of me will always miss them and want them with me. They are the ones I wake up for in the morning and look forward to spending my days with. They are the ones that are always in my thoughts.

The other day we were all taking a hike, and a woman who was walking looked at us and smiled, and then commented, "What a nice family unit!" A bit of an odd comment, but somehow it resonated with me and made me warm inside. We are a "nice family unit".

Childlike wonder

Mark's parents came to town, so this weekend we got out and about in the area. We took Carter to Tiny Town, something I've always wanted to do, but have never had a reason to go. Carter loved peaking in the windows of the little houses and feeling so big. We also got to ride the train around the park. Here's Carter standing on the front steps of a house, and then lounging on the front porch of another.

Last night we went to the Rocky Mountain Balloon Festival (video) and it was magical. We brought a picnic and sat in the grass while we were surrounded by 25 or 30 hot air balloons being rolled out and inflated. Carter was entranced because he always spots the balloons on our way to work, and now he got to be up close and personal with these enormous balloons. After the sun set and all the balloons were inflated, they do something called a moon glow, where every few minutes they do a count down and all the balloons fire their burners at the same time. You feel like your a magical world for just a few seconds, surrounded by all the glowing balloons. Check these pictures out.

I felt that awe of a young child when the present seems to envelop you and take away thoughts of any other time and place. I was surrounded by the moment and felt such childlike amazement at what I was seeing. It was a meditative experience of sorts that leaves your soul feeling full and satisfied. I'm already looking forward to going back next year.

Life is Good

I continue to love my job. I was talking with a friend the other day on the phone who asked what I actually do each day, and I couldn't really tell her. I could name some of the things I do some days, but I really don't have a regular set of things to accomplish each day. That used to be the hard part of my job, but I think that's what I like so much about it. I have embraced its ambiguity and have begun to enjoy the fact that I can define what I do, emphasize the things I do well, and push myself in the areas of less familiarity without feeling like I have outside expectations imposed upon me.

The climate of the school is also unlike anywhere else I have worked. It is one of the most supportive places I've been. I feel like every time I turn around someone is telling me how well I am fitting into my new position, and that their impressed at how I handle certain situations. I think it is less about me and more about how everyone realizes how a little reinforcement makes all the difference in the world. I say this because I hear positive comments all around me about many of the people I work with. As with anywhere, there are of course exceptions. But they're just that--exceptions.

As hard as it is to take Carter to daycare, I really do look forward to going to work each day, and having Carter in a place we are really happy with makes the whole task of balancing work and home that much easier. By no means am I "doing it all" (you should see the inch of dust that has accumulated on the shelves), but in some ways being a working mom is less difficult than I thought. Of course I wish I could have more time with Carter and make more money and have unicorns in our backyard . . . but you can't have everything. I feel like I've got what matters. Life is good.